Becoming A Person of Value

“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”

- Albert Einstein

Every person has intrinsic value. Your very existence is a gift to the world, perhaps in ways you are not even aware of. This post is not about that kind of value. Rather it is about the moral values you consciously live by, which over time determine your character.

photo credit: thinkpublic

What are your values?

Before reading on, do take a minute to jot down the three values that matter most to you. For example: honesty, compassion for the sick, spending time with children, learning, having an open mind, contributing to society, caring for the environment and so on.

This

sentence

merely

hide

the

paragraph

prevent

you

from

reading

until

you

have

written

down

your

values

on,

write

them

down!

Check your real values

Now that you’ve written down what you think your values are, do one or all of these checks to see if you’re really living by those values. This was an eye-opener for me when I first tried it, and I strongly encourage you to as well.

The idea here is not to depend on what you think you do, but what you actually do. Our self-perceptions have a curious way of appearing as we wish them to, rather than as they really are. So do at least one of the following to get an accurate picture of yourself.

“We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs.”

- Gloria Steinem

1. Your expenditure: Do your top three expenditure areas match your top three values? For instance, if one of your values was compassion for the sick, how much did you actually contribute to helping the sick last year?

2. Your time: What percentage of your time is spent investing in the values you wrote down? This works best if you keep a written record of your appointments and activities in a organiser, personal digital assistant (PDA), or your computer.

3. Your thoughts: This probably only works if you have the habit of keeping a journal. Scan your entries quickly to get a sense of what has occupied your thoughts and your heart in the past few weeks or months.

4. Your blog posts: If you blog, an easy variant of the above is to check your post categories and see which you’ve written most about. (I just realised that my top three are personal spirituality, relationships, and success, in that order.)

5. Your plans and goals: Well, these aren’t actually things you’ve already done, but are important enough that you intended to set about achieving them. Since it’s still January, hopefully you still remember your new year resolutions!

Perceived and actual values

Remember those values you were supposed to write down at the start of this post? Compare them to how you have actually been living. Do your perceived values match your actual values?

If they do, congratulations! You’re probably loving your life already. You didn’t need to read this post, and I appreciate your openness and humility if you have read all the way up to this point. You may go and watch TV now. ;)

For most people, there is usually some discrepancy between what we think we value and the values we actually live by.

I used to think I valued time with my family, until a quick look in my journal revealed that I was spending my free time and spare cash at Starbucks drinking coffee and reading a book. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. I just came to realise that I really valued “me” time more.

Accept your real values

This exercise was not meant to judge anyone for living or not living by their values. I hope you take it in the spirit it was meant – to help us identify our true values, and decide if we want to make any adjustments.

In my case, there is nothing wrong with valuing “me” time. The underlying philosophy is that if I can sort myself out and be happy, that’s one person less the rest of the world needs to worry about. My love of reading and improvements to my thinking that brings about will also hopefully help someone someday.

“You will be as much value to others as you have been to yourself.”

- Marcus T Cicero

So accept yourself for whatever real values you hold. They are what make you who you are. Don’t feel that you “should” have other values instead. If you feel that way, read this excellent post by Jennifer at Principles for Peace on why “should” is not a good word to use on yourself.

“Don’t let your special character and values, the secret that you know and no one else does, the truth – don’t let that get swallowed up by the great chewing complacency.”

- Aesop

Live a life you value

At the same time, see if you want to make some lifestyle adjustments to follow more closely the values you hold dear and want to have. I now make it a point to schedule time with family, and brew my own coffee at home!

If you know of other ways to check our real values, or if you have discovered anything by trying this exercise, do let us know in the comments!

—

This post is part of the writing project started by Jeremy at Insight Writer on Creating Value.

—

Link love from the Carnival of Personal Development Edition 3:

Clara Myers presents Reflection and Journaling posted at Mind Mart.

Posted by Daphne | January 25, 2009 | in Work Hard

37 Responses to “Becoming A Person of Value”

CG Walters
January 25th, 2009 @ 11:36 pm
….and in being a person of value, one has best succeeded!

Congratulations on your success, Daphne!
Continued blessings and inspiration,
CG
Broderick Allen
January 26th, 2009 @ 1:14 am
You’re right on point with this post. I was hearing similar messages on values when New Years came around and experts were talking about why people fail and give up so easily on their resolutions. If we want a real change, a good place to start is our true values.
Julie
January 26th, 2009 @ 1:24 am
Hi, Daphne: I just wanted to say I loved this post, very much. There’s so much value in your thinking tool (which is much harder to do than it sounds, if we’re being completely honest with ourselves) and in your advice and wisdom. Thanks so much for sharing it!! ~ Julie
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now
January 26th, 2009 @ 2:25 am
It’s funny how we think we are living our values, but once we see them down on paper it doesn’t quite add up. I write about work happiness at my blog. I love the topic, but I don’t always follow my advice.

I’m working on living up to my values, but it’s not easy. If we set the bar high, of course they will be tough to reach. That’s what successful people do.
Carla
January 26th, 2009 @ 5:04 am
This is definitely an eye opening post. Though I try my best to live up to my values, its good to have this very well thought out, well written reminder. Thank you for this post.
Daphne
January 26th, 2009 @ 7:42 am
@ CG, your comments are always full of good cheer and positive vibes. Thank you, and blessings to you too!

@ Broderick, good point that we often try hard to be somebody we’re not. We can try to improve, but with who we really are as a starting point. Thanks for your insightful comment!

@ Julie, I’m so glad you liked the post! I’m happy to share it because it helped me so much in accepting myself and moving on from there. And you’re right, it’s a challenge to be completely honest with ourselves. Thank you very much for your lovely comment.

@ Karl, you’re going a great job on your blog, just by setting the standard. If we reached our aim most of the time, the target is probably too low anyway. Bravo on using your blog to pursue a value that’s important to you. Successful people succeed a little everyday by taking small steps in the right direction, and you look like you’re doing that!

@ Carla, it’s always a pleasure seeing you here. The exercise was eye-opening for me too. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

@
Lance
January 26th, 2009 @ 10:24 am
Hi Daphne,
Excellent and thought-provoking post! It has me thinking of where I’m at on this continuum. Am I really living up to the values that I say matter the most? Or are there other things that, in reality, take priority? Doing this, I can see that I have some work to do.

Thank you for this today.
Jay
January 26th, 2009 @ 10:33 am
Wow Daphne-
What a wonderful post. I have written down my values and try looking at them often to make sure I am being true to them. It is funny how life can take you off course sometimes. I love your sentence to distract people from moving on- it worked for me. :-)
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet
January 26th, 2009 @ 2:48 pm
Hi Daphne

Great post and exercise. Very thought-provoking and effective.
Will share on stumble.

Juliet
Daphne
January 26th, 2009 @ 6:31 pm
@ Lance, if you have some work to do, imagine the labour before me! Other things have a way of demanding priority over what we really value, and it’s a balancing act to keep coming back. Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Lance.

@ Jay, congratulations on writing down your values! Putting things in black and white is usually the first step to getting them done so you’re on your way. And I’m glad the long sentence worked for me – it was kind of an experiment! Thanks for the feedback, appreciate it!

@ Juliet, thank you for sharing the post on Stumble. I’m always humbled when someone finds my post useful enough to share. I am grateful.
vikum
January 26th, 2009 @ 10:43 pm
Hi Daphne :-) ,

Your valuable ideas of finding our real values urged me to think about it further. And I think, by observing our closest ones also we’ll be able to find our real values.I mean we can understand what are we mean to them and what are they love most about us.
Plus I think you are very good at personal spirituality posts.Because every time I read them, I find them inspiring me. Thanks a lot.
Tess The Bold Life
January 26th, 2009 @ 11:12 pm
Daphne,

Mine are spirituality, family and health. I have a new grandson in MI and my daughter’s nanny quit. I live in AZ and told her last month if she ever needs me I’m available.

Two weeks after making the promise I flew back and stayed for the week. I dreaded going to the snow and cold but also new I would get to know Henri. What a lovely week we had!

She called yesterday and said he was cranky all day on Sat. I replied, “He must have missed me.”

Life is wonderful when we are committed to walking our talk!
Stacey Shipman
January 27th, 2009 @ 3:06 am
Excellent questions – ones I’ve asked recently. It is important to live true to your values no matter what they are. We’re all different, and bring different things to the table. I value family, health, volunteering. I see my family quite often, I’m very on top of my health and I volunteer in a number of women’s organizations. I love every minute of how I spend my time. In addition I value fun!
Sara
January 27th, 2009 @ 6:10 am
Daphne,

I loved this post. You combined just the right ingredients – a dash of humor, lots of thought-provoking information about our values, flavorful quotes – to make this post a wonderful meal well worth consuming.

Thanks!!!
Daphne
January 27th, 2009 @ 11:02 am
@ Vikum, you made a good point about our loved ones reflecting our deepest values, and perhaps could even tell us what our values are because they can observe us more objectively from a distance. That’s a great point, one I didn’t think of. Thanks for the thought. I’m glad you find value in my posts, and thank you for saying so. I am grateful.

@ Tess, you certainly walk the talk, and little Henri benefits from your deep sense of personal integrity! That’s so heartwarming to know that you dropped everything for family – that’s truly living your value. I’m full of respect, and am working on being able to do that myself. Thanks for the inspiring sharing, Tess.

@ Stacey, you do strike me as being a fun person, while at the time getting some serious stuff done. That’s a delightful combination. Yes we bring different things to the table and should celebrate our unique selves and values. You clearly love yourself, your values and your life. That shines through and your upbeat spirit lifts everyone around! Thank you for being here.

@ Sara, welcome to Joyful Days! I appreciate your specific explanation of what you liked about this post – it will help me in my future writing. I wandered over to your blog rightaway since I knew someone who could write this specifically and succinctly would be well worth reading. Thank you so much for visiting and leaving a comment, Sara!
snigdha
January 27th, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
hey… got me thinking, I swear … not so much on what my values are ( that has been my favourite pastime for quite sometime now, one of the realisations which made me quit my job) but on the results when I carried out the exercise suggested by you !! Thanks for this eye-opener .
Daphne
January 27th, 2009 @ 5:41 pm
Hi Snigdha,

Why am I not surprised to hear that you’ve already done this exercise? ;) I’m impressed that you actually quit your job after doing it… truly walking the talk. And that you’re still thinking about it as a paost-time is great. Thanks for sharing this!
Davina
January 27th, 2009 @ 6:33 pm
Hi Daphne. This exercise surprised me! I learned that I’m spending most of my time living my 3 values: honesty, creativity, and community. But… I still read through to the end of the post anyway :-)

I loved that Marcus T Cicero quote you used!
Daphne
January 27th, 2009 @ 10:41 pm
Hi Davina,

Good on you for already living your values! And for the humility to keep reading till the end anyway. That’s the spirit of a true learner and I really admire that. Even I sometimes skim through my own posts! ;)

Glad you liked the Cicero quote – he said it beautifully, didn’t he? And Davina, you are already of value to yourself and I know that you are to others as well.
Mark
January 27th, 2009 @ 11:27 pm
I love how you presented this exercise on values. This is truly valuable to all of us and it is non-judgmental. There is no right or wrong value, simply a question do we live as we think, that is, what are our expressed values compared to our perceived values. Excellent! I will be using this.
Daphne
January 27th, 2009 @ 11:43 pm
Hi Mark,

I am grateful that you understood my intent fully – not to judge but to be more aware of our stated values as they are expressed in our actions. I like your use of the word ‘expressed values’ in this context. Thank you for this comment, Mark. It made my day.
Alik Levin | PracticeThis.com
January 28th, 2009 @ 1:02 am
Values are the basis for me in everything:
- family
- work and career
- creative interests
- personal development
- friendship
- love
- blogging

It is great writeup stressing once more that values are the basis for anything. Bad values or lack of it cannot get any good results. That is my take.
Jennifer
January 28th, 2009 @ 1:10 am
Daphne, you are giving the world value by sharing great posts like this and sharing joy with so many.

Thank you for this reminder. This is such an important lesson and one that I needed to revisit. Actually, I’ve kind of been doing that over the last couple of days. This gives me more to think about. I came across something very similar to this a while back in the book, Time Power, by Charles Hobbs. It was a little more thorough, but very similar. I wrote a post about it several months back.
http://principlesforpeace.com/2008/04/08/ingredients-for-inner-peace-how-to-get-your-priorities-in-order/

OK, this is getting a little scary. This is like the second time we have written about the same thing. What’s the saying?? – “Great minds think alike.” :)

Thanks so much for the link love also. I’ve been working on my “shoulds.” I think this lesson on values and the shoulds really do go hand in hand. When we live our values and goals there are no shoulds in our lives – no guilt.

I’m gonna give this a stumble.
Liara Covert
January 28th, 2009 @ 2:09 am
The fabulous thing is people do not have to try to be anything once they realize what they already are. You chose very meaningful points of reflection.
Daphne
January 28th, 2009 @ 10:41 am
@ Alik, welcome to Joyful Days! Thank you for visiting and commenting. I agree with you that values are the basis of all our major decisions, including blogging!

@ Liara, you are absolutely right. We do not have to try to be anything. Just knowing who we really are is sometimes enough. I appreciate your kind words.
Daphne
January 28th, 2009 @ 11:03 am
Hi Jennifer,

I must apologise that your comment has only just appeared. It went into the moderation queue, which I find inexplicable.

Your post on the Charles Hobb book was excellent. I love the advice to write it in the action tense and elaborate in a paragraph what this means. I will do that with my blog motto soon.

Great minds think alike? Of course! :) After all, your principles for peace help people to live joyful days! I’m delighted that we have found this synergy between our blogs. You’re more than welcome for the link love – I should thank you for that post which was perfect for me to link to in this post.

Thank you very much for the comment and Stumble, Jennifer.
Evelyn Lim
January 28th, 2009 @ 11:32 am
Having a set of values is definitely important to help us navigate our way. They keep us grounded. In the event when we need to make a decision, we can always go back to our values and check if an option resonates.
Arswino
January 28th, 2009 @ 3:29 pm
Hi Daphne, great reflection here. I love the way you wrote. You have reminded me about my value.
Thanks for sharing, Daphne. :)
Trey - Swollen Thumb Entertainment
January 28th, 2009 @ 5:18 pm
I think that this is a great exercise.

For the most part, my true values matched what I thought they were. But there’s more I can do to find a common ground in between.

Thank you for this, Daphne!
Daphne
January 28th, 2009 @ 6:36 pm
@ Evelyn, I too find that values make decisions much easier and faster. If a person routinely has problems making decisions, it usually boils down to not having clear values. Thanks for this wise comment.

@ Arswino, it’s always a pleasure to have you here and leaving your very positive comments. I appreciate it.

@ Trey, it’s great that your values matched up. I find that people in your position tend to be happy and fulfilled in life, so well done on your part! Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment.
Liara Covert
February 1st, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
Sometimes values are challenging to put into words. It can be a step-by-step process for people not yet ready or willing to become more aware.
Daphne
February 1st, 2009 @ 3:27 pm
Hi Liara,

That’s an interesting comment. It can take time to discern our true values, and these also change over time. Yours is a profound thought – that words may not be enough to capture something as core to our being as values. Thanks for this comment.
Purpose and Worth to Every Human Life
February 4th, 2009 @ 4:18 pm
[...] Becoming a person of value [...]
The Value Project Finale | Insight Writer
February 8th, 2009 @ 10:54 am
[...] Becoming a Person of Value by Daphne – Discover your REAL values. [...]
Julian
February 13th, 2009 @ 9:09 am
It’s basically a case of walk your talk, very true.
Daphne
February 13th, 2009 @ 10:48 am
@ Julian, welcome! Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. Yes it’s all about walking the talk!
Accepting Our Shadow Self is Basis of Self-Acceptance
March 9th, 2010 @ 2:34 pm
[...] Becoming a person of value [...]

Becoming A Person of Value

What are your values?

Check your real values

Perceived and actual values

Accept your real values

Live a life you value

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37 Responses to “Becoming A Person of Value”

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