Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

3 of 8 Girl dances at water's edge on Morro Strand State BeachHave you ever watched a child dance? There are very few things more endearing than that sight. A child looks so natural and full of joy when she’s just letting herself go, having the time of her life. She doesn’t care who watches her. We do, so we try to behave ‘properly’. And we wonder where the joy in life went. How do you find that innocent joy again?

In case you think this is about dancing, it isn’t. It’s about living life on your terms. It means seeing yourself with the eyes of your own soul, and not through the judgmental eyes of others. It requires the courage to be yourself, instead of trying to be the person others want you to be.

photo credit: mikebaird

1. Know who you are not

Most of us have tried to please others so much that we became somebody we don’t like. Some women dress like dolls to please their men. Some men give up their hobbies to please their women. Some children study subjects they hate to please their parents. None of this is wrong, of course. Life does require some compromises. But you’ll know when it has gone too far. You look at yourself in the mirror and don’t recognise that sad person anymore.

The good thing about having gone through this phase in your life is that you’ll know who you are not. Like trying on a shirt that looked good on the hanger but is all wrong on you. Or taking on a few jobs that we realise we’re not cut out for. Most of us aren’t born knowing who we want to be. Life would be boring if we did. It’s the search for identity that gives the journey meaning.

2. Do what brings you joy

Recall times in your recent past, and all the way back to your childhood, when you felt pure joy. We have all felt this because we were born for this. If you have difficulty remembering, take a day or a week to go somewhere quiet with nothing to do but reflect and journal. What were you doing when time seemed to disappear? What kept you awake at night, too excited to sleep just thinking about it? What made you jump out of bed in the morning before the alarm clock went off?

Start doing those things again, even if just for a few minutes a day. I loved to read as a child, and would hide storybooks inside my schoolbooks so I could read while everyone else thought I was studying. When I started working I stopped reading. There just wasn’t enough time and I was exhausted even if there was. It took me many years to get back to reading, and it was just the newspaper headlines at first. Now I spend entire afternoons just sitting in a cafe reading. Life has never been more wonderful.

Reading may not be your thing. Yours may be collecting insects, or cross-stitching, or cooking, or bungee jumping, or strumming a guitar, or doing woodwork, or raising a child, or hosting parties. Go ahead and do whatever it is. You don’t need my permission, nor anyone else’s.

3. Understand that nobody’s watching anyway

You know what they say. When you’re in your twenties, you worry what people think. When you’re in your thirties, you don’t care what they think. When you’re in your forties, you realise they weren’t thinking about you anyway. They were busy thinking about themselves. Just like you are.

The sooner you realise this, the happier you’ll be. I used to think people pitied me for my solitude. “Poor girl, sitting all by herself in a cafe reading. She must have no life.” Then I realised that they probably weren’t expending very much mental energy pondering a stranger’s life. They were probably just looking to see if I would vacate my table soon.

And even if some people really have no life and make a comment about you, think about this. They spend perhaps one minute of their life judging you and make a disparaging remark. And you spend years of your life changing yourself and doing things to please them. Things they’ll probably not notice anyway because they’re busy thinking about themselves.

4. Go for it!

So don’t tiptoe through life, trying not to step on others’ toes and backing off when someone stands in your path. Don’t apologise for being alive and being you. Claim your role in the great human story. Move freely over the space that the vast universe has alloted to you.

Dance… while the music still goes on.

This is Part 1 of the series:

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching
Dream Like You Will Live Forever
Live Like You’ll Die Tomorrow
Love Like It’s Never Going To Hurt



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Posted by Daphne | August 29, 2008 | in Laugh A Lot


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3 Responses to “Dance Like Nobody’s Watching”

  1. Henie
    February 2nd, 2009 @ 1:52 am

    Hi Daphne!

    Thought I’d stop by because I miss coming here!

    Ahhh, yes, the dance!

    “I will always dance every dance…
    with the tingling shyness of a first
    and the longing intensity of a last!” ~Henie~

    Thank you for you!

  2. Daphne
    February 2nd, 2009 @ 8:45 am

    Hi Henie,

    Gosh you are reading all the old posts I wrote when I first started blogging. I’m so honoured that you’re going through the blog!

    “Dance… while the music still goes on” – Abba :)

    Thank you for being you too, Henie, and for spreading your delightful cheer everywhere on this blog! I am grateful.

  3. Yang
    May 6th, 2009 @ 8:14 pm

    Hey Daphne. Thanks for this post. It’s always wonderful to be reminded to do things that you love.

    :)

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