Get Over It

A baby thinks only about itself. It cries when it’s hungry, it cries when it hurts, it cries when it doesn’t get what it wants. Some of us unfortunately never stop being babies, even when we’re middle-aged. It’s all about me, me, me. There’s no pleasant way to say what needs to be said: Get over it.

1. Most of the world is not thinking about you

The whole world, with the exception of just one person, is made up of other people. That’s roughly 6 billion people who don’t really care about you because they’re busy thinking about themselves, just like you are. I read a comment once that no matter what bugs you, remember that one billion people in China don’t give a hoot. That sounds harsh, but it puts your little problems into some perspective. There are millions of people with bigger problems than yours.

2. Nobody intentionally hurts another

Whatever you’re stewing over, remember that offence taken does not mean offence given. Often we simmer over the words or actions of another person who never intended to hurt us. You have probably offended someone before without intending to, and were surprised when you realised how negatively your words or actions were interpreted when you never meant it that way, and you wonder why people are so sensitive. But when you are sensitive, you rationalise and justify to yourself why you have every right to feel offended.

By the way, even if someone deliberately tries to hurt you, remember that this action is not intended to hurt you per se, but is an uncontrolled vengeful reaction of someone who has been hurt themselves and wrongfully thinks that hurting you will make them feel better. It’s still not about you, you see. It’s about them. So let it go. Be a bigger person.

3. You control nothing but yourself

You have no right to demand that another person acts a certain way, says only things you want to hear, or thinks the same way as you. You might as well yell at the earth to stop exerting its gravitational pull over you. Things are the way they are. People are who they are. Nothing and nobody will change on account of your tantrum. And even if someone tries to because they love you or are afraid of you, this won’t last. They’ll eventually get out of your life when they can because they deserve to be happy too, and they can’t be happy when they’re being jerked around on your puppet strings.

There is one person you can change, and that is you. You can change your thinking. You can choose to rise above, to be better. In fact, the ONLY thing you have real control over is your thinking. If you change your thinking, you can change your life. Only you can decide whether you will.

4. Your unhappiness is your fault

It’s easier to blame circumstances and other people for your unhappiness instead of admitting the truth: that you are the sole cause of your happiness or lack thereof. If you are unhappy, it’s because you chose to be unhappy. It’s that simple. Make a decision now to be happy: look in the mirror and smile, smile at someone else, hold your head high and look up, or write down all the blessings you have in your life. If you choose not to do these things, preferring instead to wallow in self-pity, be my guest. Just don’t blame anyone else.

5. Expectations set you up for misery

The funny thing about happiness is that it cannot be pursued as an end in itself. If you try, it will elude you. So don’t even expect to be happy. Happiness is the by-product of doing something worth doing, or being a person worth being. Focus on achieving a goal, helping others, doing your chores, or watching children play. When you’re not thinking about it, happiness creeps up on you and you’re suddenly joyful without even knowing why. So you see, if you’re unhappy, it’s because you’re expecting to be happy and blaming others when you’re not.

6. It’s not about you

If you’re thoroughly offended by this post and upset with me by now, here’s something that should make you feel better. This post was not about you. It’s never about you. It’s about me. I was in a funk today and needed to tell this to myself, so this post was written for me. You see, I’m just like you, and that means I think about myself a lot more than I think about you. And if you don’t like that thought, I have three words for you:

Get over it.

;)

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9 Responses to “Get Over It”

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• Comments by Readers

• B @ logos coaching: What a great list. I am especially drawn to number 2 as I am incorporating more silence and quiet time into my life at present....
• Kit: I’ve found that real change and lasting weight loss happens slowly, and is VERY frugal. 25lbs over the last 6 mos may be slow, but...
• Beaulotus: Hi Daphne, it’s precisely that – that they didn’t have anything better to do with their time and lives. Those few mums...
• Beaulotus: Daphne, it was interesting reading this wonderful post. As you may know, I socialise alot in our expat community and we have mothers...
• Paul Maurice Martin: “Declining to play” has been an important one for me – I think of it as letting go of the egoism of others....
• Self Improvement Minded: “Keep the company of the wise” that’s how we always said 4 when I was young.
• Lana-{Daring Clarity}: Those were great points Daphne, thank you. And I so loved how you started that the reason you “keep blogging is that...
• nudgeme: Great pointers on maintaining personal integrity Daphne, and always lovely to log on and see a post from you! Identifying your...
• Self-esteem Building: I agree that our thinking gives positive or negative meaning to a certain event, person etc. Nature is neutral. It’s...
• Hilary: Hi Daphne .. good points .. adopt a hero – yourself – ensure you smile, be kind, be open, be friendly .. Draw the boundaries is...
• J.D. Meier: Beautiful distillations … heroes, boundaries, and buddies are the way to go. It takes less energy to be yourself than be somebody...
• Lance: Hi Daphne, Number 4 is an important one for me. It’s so easy for other people’s attitudes to filter over into our own –...
• Mazhar Nawaz: Dear Daphne enjoyed reading every word. I appreciate your honest views on Live Like You’ll Die Tomorrow.
• Walter: Yes, I believe with what you have written here. In fact, I’m applying most of them into my life. There are lot of ways to be happy,...
• Lindsey Petersen: I am a die hard optimist who leads a happy life even when I should be sad…an anomaly, I guess! Lindsey Petersen...
• Hilda: Hi Daphne, I’ve read ALOT on the subject of happiness over the years, and have transformed myself from a miserable pessimist to a...
• macy_c: I used to trust my instinct a bit more, but overtime, self doubt and life in general erode the trust. I just wrote an account of when I...
• Evelyn Lim: I have found more meaning in my life when I started contributing my assistance and service to others. In the process, I become happier...
• James Gray: When you say that good and bad aren’t “out there,” it isn’t clear what that means. I don’t know if anyone...
• nudgeme: Hi Daphne Lovely to see a post on Joyful days in my Google Reader this morning – and such an uplifting one at that! I concur with...