Seven Proven Ways to Live A Happy Life

Arthur in the skyThere has been a lot of research into how to live a happy life, and these are just some findings I came across.

“Proven ways” refers to generalised results suggested by these studies and until you try each one out for yourself, it remains unproven for you as an individual.

So why not try a few and see for yourself which really lead to a happy life?

photo credit: waffler

1. Believe in something

Some studies suggest that religious people are more than twice as likely as the secular to say they were “very happy”. While this in itself is not a reason to hastily adopt a religion, we may do well to believe in something. Have you ever met a happy skeptic?

Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.”

- Dale Carnegie

2. Embrace silence

Almost every person I’ve met who is living a happy life has cited “personal retreats”, “quiet time”, “me time” or some equivalent as an essential contribution to their happiness. Neuroscience professor Richard Davidson measured the brain activity of Buddhist monks and showed that meditation actually altered the physical state of the brain in a way that made them feel happier.

“A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy dare live.”

- Bertrand Russell

3. Work on your own terms

In a recent study, those who work at their own business were much happier than even those in highly-paid professions. Having control over what we do, how we allocate our time, and choosing to do what we enjoy – these go a long way toward living a happy life. You don’t necessarily have to quit your job though – for example you could negotiate your terms of work so that you’re effectively working the way you want to.

“Drive your business; let not that drive thee.”

- Benjamin Franklin

4. Find your “flow” experience

The concept of “flow” as described by Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi came from his observation that people with happy lives tend to engage in activities which required both a high level of challenge and a high level of skill. High challenge with low skill caused anxiety, while low challenge with high skill brought boredom. (Watching TV, interestingly, is low challenge with low skill and leads to apathy.) Whether your “flow” activity is dancing, painting, or water-skiiing, do it often!

“Live life as a work of art, rather than as a chaotic response to external events.”

- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

5. Have something to look forward to

Viktor Frankl’s famous book Man’s Search for Meaning showed the world how having something to look forward to helped him survive extreme conditions of torture and deprivation. Recent research by neuroscientist Brian Knutson using MRI to measure brain activity suggests that even on a normal day-to-day basis, anticipation is a big part of a happy life.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

- Friedrich Nietzsche

6. Hang out with friends

Friendship seems to have a much greater effect on how happy our life is than a typical person’s income. Economist Professor Oswald estimated that a person needs £50,000 to make up for not having friends. It is even thought that friendship can ward off germs by activating the part of the brain that controls disease. No wonder we reach for the phone to call a friend when we’re feeling blue.

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.”

- Tennessee Williams

7. Just carry on living

Happiness seems to follow a U-shaped life cycle: it’s highest at the beginning and end of our lives, and lowest in the middle. So if you’re feeling blue now, you may be at the bottom of the U; if you just wait a few years, you may find yourself having a happy life again!

“At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual.”

- Patrick Moore

Personal footnote

At the moment a big part of my own happy life is the flow experience I get while dancing. The bonus is that you have to dance with people so there’s the friendship element that is taking place as well. Plus the weekly socials give me something to look forward to.

So apart from the empirical studies, I can personally attest that some of these methods really do work. Which is partly why I’m blogging less now – I have a happy life to keep me occupied! And I wish the same for all of you reading this.



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Posted by Daphne | February 6, 2010 | in Laugh A Lot


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18 Responses to “Seven Proven Ways to Live A Happy Life”

  1. Carla
    February 7th, 2010 @ 4:29 am

    I can definitely relate to having something to look forward to. When you live your live day by day in a tape loop, it can make things pretty dull and depressing. For me it doesn’t have a bit a huge, life changing thing, just looking forward to meeting with friends for an afternoon can be more than enough.

  2. Baker
    February 7th, 2010 @ 6:20 am

    Wow. I have to mention that these tips here are very powerful. This is excellent. I can definetly see that you really did an amazing job at laying out these 7 tips carefully. I am a big fan of “flow” and use it daily in my life for beyond successful results in my persoanl activites.

  3. Lance
    February 7th, 2010 @ 11:33 am

    Hi Daphne,
    This is so good to read! And really, reading this I feel a deep sense of happiness both for you, and within you. Daphne, this is so good to read, especially your footnote. I wish you much continued happiness. Keep dancing, sweet friend…

  4. Hilary
    February 7th, 2010 @ 5:13 pm

    Hi Daphne – the points you describe so well are so true – Believe in Something – the Dale Carnegie quote .. if we occupy ourselves, we live life to the full much more; We need silence to listen to nature, to work through our thoughts, and as you say meditate and retreat. Work on your own terms – we do achieve so much more. TV and media are so negative and impart that into life in general – it’s not at all good.

    Having something to look forward to .. essential! Hang out with friends who give you so many new ideas, laughs, thoughts – really so important in life; A “U-shaped” life .. interesting .. I can’t say I’ve found that .. but I’m happy .. I guess Sir Patrick Moore (aged 86), the astronomer, is right – he’s fine .. he doesn’t feature .. long life to us all ..

    So pleased you’re happy dancing away, enjoying life and laughs with friends, going with the flow while finding the time for us! Thank you .. good to see you again … Hilary

  5. Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord
    February 8th, 2010 @ 2:01 am

    The “work on your terms” is interesting to me, especially your suggestion that it doesn’t mean we necessarily have to go out and start our own business. After all, not everyone was meant to be an entrepreneur. Sometimes all it takes is asking – either as part of a job offer, or as part of a performance raise negotiation – for what we want. One year, in lieu of more money, I asked for an extra week of vacation. I pointed out the bottom line cost savings to the company, and they agreed. I ended up with four weeks of vacation, which made me VERY happy.

    I enjoyed reading this list – keep dancing!

  6. J.D. Meier
    February 8th, 2010 @ 3:51 am

    Excellent rundown.

    I used to think happiness was doing nothing, then I found out it’s actually doing something. It’s got to be meaningful to you, and the secret is giving your best where you have your best to give (the secret of flow and engagement.)

  7. Tess The Bold Life
    February 8th, 2010 @ 6:56 am

    I can attest that they all work. I’ve even been quite happy in the middle even though I’m sliding out of that place.

    I wonder if the middle is not happy for people because all of the changes that happen at that age.

  8. Daphne
    February 8th, 2010 @ 11:24 am

    @ Carla,

    You are an amazing person for being happy despite what your life circumstances are. Yes I agree with you that looking forward to small things is enough – for me it is lunch with a friend, making the house clean, or just getting dressed to go out… joy is in the little things. Thanks for making time to be here.

    @ Baker,

    Thanks for your encouraging comment, and for being able to see my attempt at putting together a coherent post. In fact I re-arranged the points a few times to get them in an order I felt would make sense and make the post flow better. I’m so pleased that someone recognises that effort. Thank you! I’m starting to like “flow” a lot too these days…

    @ Lance,

    As usual you bring a burst of sunshine here with your caring words. Thank you for always being here and for being such a wonderful friend. Your encouragement is very much appreciated!

  9. Daphne
    February 8th, 2010 @ 11:31 am

    @ Hilary,

    Wow you actually remembered each of the seven ways… and was able to summarise them in your comment so beautifully! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. You know how much I appreciate every minute of your time spent here, because I know what kind of demands are on you right now.

    @ Megan,

    Yep, not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur. Interestingly though, just over a century back we were all tradesmen and basically ran our own ‘business’ and decided our working terms. Only since industrialisation did the corporate structure start to form our lives… and many today feel trapped by this. I still work for someone else but have negotiated terms I’m very happy with, without having the hassle of running my own business, so I know this is possible. Good on you too, for negotiating for that extra week of vacation… those were your terms and you got them!

    @ JD,

    I like your succinct phrase: “giving your best where you have your best to give” and I think this is a good guideline for anyone seeking fulfilment and happiness in life. Thanks for leaving your usual insightful comment.

    @ Tess,

    You have managed your life so well that I suspect you’ve been happy most of the time! Yes even the middle can be happy, since the research results work on averages and you’ve obviously beat those averages by consciously choosing to live well. You’re right that maybe the changes we go through in middle age – raising a family, or not being able to find a spouse to start a family with – all these have an impact on our happiness depending on how we choose to view and deal with these.

  10. vered - blogger for hire
    February 8th, 2010 @ 11:48 am

    “Which is partly why I’m blogging less now – I have a happy life to keep me occupied!” This is great. You sound happy! I find that spending time with friends does bring a lot of happiness into one’s life. It sometimes takes an effort to stay in touch, but it is definitely worth it.

  11. nudgeme
    February 8th, 2010 @ 11:03 pm

    Hi Daphne

    Lovely to see a post on Joyful days in my Google Reader this morning – and such an uplifting one at that! I concur with all 7 points you make, but especially like the quote ‘He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.’ When you are immersed in doing something you really enjoy like your dancing, or being passionate about a business for instance, it does somehow give you a ‘toucstone’ to lift you when the ‘how’ of life gets you down. I’m really happy you’re enjoying your dancing and ‘off line’ world, but it’s always great to see a new post from you when the moment strikes to write!

    All the best for now

    Tamsin@nudgeme

  12. Evelyn Lim
    February 10th, 2010 @ 7:44 pm

    I have found more meaning in my life when I started contributing my assistance and service to others. In the process, I become happier myself.

    I used to think that there are many happy people out there. More recently, I realized that it is not really true. There are many who have been pretty much in pain and seeking help.

  13. Hilda
    February 11th, 2010 @ 11:52 pm

    Hi Daphne,

    I’ve read ALOT on the subject of happiness over the years, and have transformed myself from a miserable pessimist to a learned – and happy – optimist.

    All of your points are very important, but if I were to single out one thing that everyone can do no matter what their current circumstances are, and would make a huge difference, it’s the one on meditation. It truly is powerful. And to add another: gratitude. Appreciation fosters happy feelings, and attracts more experiences to be grateful for – all adds to a virtuos cycle :-)

  14. Lindsey Petersen
    February 13th, 2010 @ 8:19 am

    I am a die hard optimist who leads a happy life even when I should be sad…an anomaly, I guess!

    Lindsey Petersen
    http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

  15. Walter
    February 16th, 2010 @ 8:45 am

    Yes, I believe with what you have written here. In fact, I’m applying most of them into my life. There are lot of ways to be happy, we just need to choose it rather than brood about life’s negativity. :-)

  16. Things I Wish I Wrote « Demanding Joy
    February 26th, 2010 @ 7:21 pm

    [...] 7 Proven Ways to Life a Happy Life [...]

  17. Daphne
    March 11th, 2010 @ 3:59 pm

    @ Hilda,

    I loved the way your described your transformation to a ‘learned optimist’ and can relate – I’m still learning but am much more of an optimist than I used to be. And I agree that meditation is under-rated. There is much power and peace in that simple practice. On gratitude, I once read that ‘the only prayer is gratitude’ because as you said, with gratitude you end up getting almost everything you want in a beautiful virtuous cycle.

    @ Lindsey,

    You’re an amazing person, and a wonderful example to the human race of just how much we are capable of. I’m sure in your position I wouldn’t be as happy, and admire you for being happy no matter what life throws your way!

    @ Walter,

    Great to know you’re already applying some of this to your life. You’re so right that it’s all about choice.

  18. B @ logos coaching
    March 20th, 2010 @ 6:38 pm

    What a great list. I am especially drawn to number 2 as I am incorporating more silence and quiet time into my life at present. In our world where there seems to be so much ‘rushing’ it is nice to take even a few moments regularly during the day to reconnect.

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  • Comments by Readers

  • B @ logos coaching: What a great list. I am especially drawn to number 2 as I am incorporating more silence and quiet time into my life at present....
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  • Hilary: Hi Daphne .. good points .. adopt a hero – yourself – ensure you smile, be kind, be open, be friendly .. Draw the boundaries is...
  • J.D. Meier: Beautiful distillations … heroes, boundaries, and buddies are the way to go. It takes less energy to be yourself than be somebody...
  • Lance: Hi Daphne, Number 4 is an important one for me. It’s so easy for other people’s attitudes to filter over into our own –...
  • Mazhar Nawaz: Dear Daphne enjoyed reading every word. I appreciate your honest views on Live Like You’ll Die Tomorrow.
  • Walter: Yes, I believe with what you have written here. In fact, I’m applying most of them into my life. There are lot of ways to be happy,...
  • Lindsey Petersen: I am a die hard optimist who leads a happy life even when I should be sad…an anomaly, I guess! Lindsey Petersen...
  • Hilda: Hi Daphne, I’ve read ALOT on the subject of happiness over the years, and have transformed myself from a miserable pessimist to a...
  • macy_c: I used to trust my instinct a bit more, but overtime, self doubt and life in general erode the trust. I just wrote an account of when I...
  • Evelyn Lim: I have found more meaning in my life when I started contributing my assistance and service to others. In the process, I become happier...
  • James Gray: When you say that good and bad aren’t “out there,” it isn’t clear what that means. I don’t know if anyone...
  • nudgeme: Hi Daphne Lovely to see a post on Joyful days in my Google Reader this morning – and such an uplifting one at that! I concur with...