Increase Your Influence

Ripples of Influence in BloggingInfluence is power. If you can influence others, you have power over them because you can change their behaviour. People will do things for you because they like and trust you, things that they will not do for money or status. You need influence to manage employees, convince your boss, get the support of your peers, guide your children, persuade your spouse, and lead yourself.

photo credit: cambodia4kidsorg

1. Pursue integrity, not power

Power is a little like happiness. You can want it for its own sake, but that is not how it is gotten. Happiness is a by-product of a life filled with purpose and love. Power is a by-product of character and integrity. Integrity means having values and living according to those values. It’s surprising how many people claim to have certain values and yet their actions tell you otherwise. For example, most people will tell you that money is not important, and yet spend their whole lives working for money instead of chasing their dreams. Or that charity is important, yet give nothing to charity from their monthly paychecks.

Decide what kind of person you want to be. Have a clear set of values and put them in writing, like a personal creed. Live by these values every single minute of every single day, so that you can look yourself in the mirror and hold your head high knowing that you stood for something today. You will feel an enormous sense of power, because your character is whole. This is the kind of integrity that people feel when they are around you, without you having to speak a single word. Your entire being sends vibes that can be felt by others. People will somehow know that they can trust you.

2. Be an example

To have influence, you have to be congruent. Your words and your deeds have to match. If you tell your children that they need discipline to succeed in life, yet they see you rushing to work every morning because you are late, they will grow up not believing in discipline or not believing in you or both. The fastest way to lose influence is to say one thing and do another. You have absolutely no credibility.

Walking the talk is the surest way to increase your influence. People around you will notice you wordlessly picking up some litter on the ground and throwing it into the nearest rubbish bin. This simple action will speak louder than hours of you lecturing on the need to preserve the environment. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best: “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”

3. Make others feel good about themselves

Your influence increases in inverse proportion to your self-importance. What this means is that if you seek attention and approval from others, you have very little influence over them even if it feels good at the time. In fact, they have enormous power over you because a simple word or gesture and affect your mood for the entire day.

When you have a healthy self-esteem and do not need to feel important and noticed all the time, you are free to notice others and make them feel important. This does not mean flattering them. Flattery does not work because people are smart and can sense when you are trying too hard and not being sincere. You make people feel important simply by noticing them. Greet everybody you know by name. Smile at strangers. Ask “how are you today?” then wait for the answer and really listen. Silently wish the best for them when you say goodbye; they won’t hear it but they will feel it.

4. Know when to use your influence

Influence is like a bank account. You need to constantly make deposits into it to make it grow. And if you use too much of it, the account empties. Use your influence sparingly. Don’t waste it on things that don’t matter. Don’t ask for favours when you can do it yourself. Don’t use it for your selfish purposes when it doesn’t benefit the other person.

If you have influence over someone, you won’t need to look for the person to tell him what to do. That person will come to you for perspective and advice. This is the right time to exercise your influence. If you feel the need to approach the person, be very clear and honest about what your motives are. Unsolicited advice is seldom welcome and almost always never followed. If you have the other person’s interest and feelings at heart, wait for her to approach you instead.

5. Remain humble

True power is humbling for a person of sound character. When you realise that you have influence over another person, you will feel an enormous responsibility to use your influence for the other person’s good. You will weigh your words carefully before speaking, because you know that the other person will likely follow your advice and you could change her life for better or worse depending on how wisely you guide her.

If you find that your power is going to your head, as it sometimes will because you’re only human, get it under control. The moment you cherish power for its own sake, you have lost power over yourself and will quickly lose influence with others. Remember that everything you have is a gift from a higher power, and is merely on loan to you while you live in this world. Understand that to a little sparrow flying high above, you are just another little speck on the ground. Stay humble.

With integrity, wisdom, and humility, you can change the world.



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Posted by Daphne | September 10, 2008 | in Work Hard


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  • Comments by Readers

  • Beaulotus: Hi Daphne, it’s precisely that – that they didn’t have anything better to do with their time and lives. Those few mums...
  • Beaulotus: Daphne, it was interesting reading this wonderful post. As you may know, I socialise alot in our expat community and we have mothers...
  • Paul Maurice Martin: “Declining to play” has been an important one for me – I think of it as letting go of the egoism of others....
  • Self Improvement Minded: “Keep the company of the wise” that’s how we always said 4 when I was young.
  • Lana-{Daring Clarity}: Those were great points Daphne, thank you. And I so loved how you started that the reason you “keep blogging is that...
  • nudgeme: Great pointers on maintaining personal integrity Daphne, and always lovely to log on and see a post from you! Identifying your...
  • Self-esteem Building: I agree that our thinking gives positive or negative meaning to a certain event, person etc. Nature is neutral. It’s...
  • Hilary: Hi Daphne .. good points .. adopt a hero – yourself – ensure you smile, be kind, be open, be friendly .. Draw the boundaries is...
  • J.D. Meier: Beautiful distillations … heroes, boundaries, and buddies are the way to go. It takes less energy to be yourself than be somebody...
  • Lance: Hi Daphne, Number 4 is an important one for me. It’s so easy for other people’s attitudes to filter over into our own –...
  • Mazhar Nawaz: Dear Daphne enjoyed reading every word. I appreciate your honest views on Live Like You’ll Die Tomorrow.
  • Walter: Yes, I believe with what you have written here. In fact, I’m applying most of them into my life. There are lot of ways to be happy,...
  • Lindsey Petersen: I am a die hard optimist who leads a happy life even when I should be sad…an anomaly, I guess! Lindsey Petersen...
  • Hilda: Hi Daphne, I’ve read ALOT on the subject of happiness over the years, and have transformed myself from a miserable pessimist to a...
  • macy_c: I used to trust my instinct a bit more, but overtime, self doubt and life in general erode the trust. I just wrote an account of when I...
  • Evelyn Lim: I have found more meaning in my life when I started contributing my assistance and service to others. In the process, I become happier...
  • James Gray: When you say that good and bad aren’t “out there,” it isn’t clear what that means. I don’t know if anyone...
  • nudgeme: Hi Daphne Lovely to see a post on Joyful days in my Google Reader this morning – and such an uplifting one at that! I concur with...
  • vered - blogger for hire: “Which is partly why I’m blogging less now – I have a happy life to keep me occupied!” This is great. You...
  • Tess The Bold Life: I can attest that they all work. I’ve even been quite happy in the middle even though I’m sliding out of that...