Greetings! But Let’s Not Shake Hands…
Hello everyone! I’ve been busy with moving house and work, and lost the blogging momentum as a result. Thanks to those who took the trouble to send messages and emails asking how I’ve been. I am grateful for your friendship.
I recently returned from Thailand, where I think they have the most gracious greeting etiquette of all the countries I’ve been to. This got me thinking about how we greet each other, and whether it’s time to retire the traditional handshake.
The Handshake
The origin of the handshake is debatable. By some accounts, it dates back to the times of the gods, when power and authority was handed over from a deity to a human, or from human to human. Others claim the handshake was a show of goodwill in feuding societies, when the open clasp was evidence that the hand concealed no weapons.
With the current H1N1 flu pandemic, I’m wondering whether the developed world will eventually ditch the handshake. Physical contact increases the risk of spreading unwanted bacteria and viruses. Here are two alternative forms of greeting that don’t require physical contact.
The Thai Wai
The Thai greeting, as demonstrated by good ol’ Ronald McDonald, is to put your hands together in front of your chest, fingers pointing upwards as if in prayer, and then bow your head slightly over the hands.
The Thai Wai is usually used to show respect. It is most often initiated by younger people to greet older people, or by anyone to greet a monk. You don’t always have to return this greeting, especially if you are socially ‘higher up’ than the person greeting you, for example a bellboy or child.
The Japanese Bow
Another form of greeting that requires no physical contact is the Japanese bow. With your hands at your side if you are male, and on your thighs with fingers touching if you are female, bow from the waist. Unlike the Thai Wai, courtesy requires that you always return a bow.
Donald Trump wrote in one of his books that this was his preferred form of greeting, because he disliked the handshake and the physical contact it requires.
The cheek kiss
For those who value physical contact, cheek kissing is an intimate form of greeting commonly used in Europe and other parts of the world, but seldom in Asia. Kissing can be confusing because there are so many variations.
In Latin America, you can kiss everybody (though men don’t kiss men), while in North America kissing is reserved for family and close friends. The number of kisses exchanged varies from one to four. Then there is the kiss itself – lips to cheek, or cheek to cheek with lips kissing the air. And should you kiss quietly or noisily? I take the easy way out and just follow the other person’s lead when it comes to kissing in greeting.
photo credit: David Boyle in DC
And one more…
Finally, if you don’t like any of the above forms of greeting, feel free to pick up some ideas from man’s best friend… :)
photo credit: Invisible Hour
46 Responses to “Greetings! But Let’s Not Shake Hands…”
Leave a Reply
RSS
Email
TwitterMost Popular Posts
- Let Go of Expectations
- How to Find Happiness That Lasts
- Your 24 Possible Personal Strengths
- 17 Inspiring Examples of Personal Creeds
- Parallel Universes: You May Be Everything You Ever Wanted To Be
- 7 Proven Ways to Live A Happy Life
Recent Posts
- Setting Boundaries
- 206 Reasons To Be Grateful
- Making Peace with Criticism
- When Big Egos Collide
- Fundamental Nature Of Man – Good or Bad?
- Personal Integrity (Staying Sane in the Midst of Chaos)
- Seven Proven Ways to Live A Happy Life
- Pruning the Grapevine: Good vs Bad Gossip
- The Gift of Forgiveness
- Can You Pack Your Life Into Two Suitcases?
- Is 85 the New 65?
- No More Crappy Days
- What Makes A Good Relationship
- What are Your Relationship Expectations?
- Why Letting Go is Hard and How to Let Go
July 22nd, 2009 @ 2:11 pm
Welcome back Daphne. I was just checking your feed in my reader yesterday and wondering what you’ve been up to. Glad to see you back here. And you’re back with a bang I see; I love man’s best friend, but I think I’ll stick to the handshake thanks. :-) I could get used to the Thai Wai though.
July 22nd, 2009 @ 3:33 pm
Hi Daphne .. hope all’s gone well with the house move, and you’re settled etc .. it’s a long drawn out time, but worth it when it’s finished. Enjoy the new home.
Thanks for the greetings etiquette .. we have such different ideas in each country and it’s so easy to be rude, because what’s ok here in the UK is definitely not a good idea else where!
You may well be right .. when we don’t greet each other in the way we do now – it will be interesting to see what happens ..
Good to have you back .. and thanks for a welcome greeting post – Sans touch …!!
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters
July 22nd, 2009 @ 3:39 pm
You gotta admit, dogs really have a way of breaking the ice.
Nice run down on ways to meet and greet.
You know you’ll have to share your stories of your Thailand adventures, right? If you learned some kick boxing, I hope you’ll share your new moves.
July 22nd, 2009 @ 8:04 pm
Hey, Welcome Back :) The cheek kissing gets me all the time – I have no clue as to how many times to do it and just follow the other persons lead, although I do suspect that on an occasion or two the man has done “one more in hope that something will touch”. From my experience the norm used to be once, but now the minimum is 2, and maybe 3.
Have a great day.
Kim
July 22nd, 2009 @ 9:31 pm
It is so good to have you back with us, Daphne! We have all missed you and your beautiful posts. And today’s was a light, fun one to wake up to! :) I had my morning chuckle over the Man’s Best Friend greeting, so thank you for that.
I live in Greece now but am back in the States visiting for the summer and can tell you, I miss the cheek-to-cheek kiss greeting (usually 2) that is now so familiar to me. It is so warm, personal, and inviting. Hugs and handshakes just don’t come close. In Greece, we tend to use this greeting for anyone we actually know or are familiar with: meaning that we probably won’t pucker up the first time we meet you or if the relationship is somewhat formal. But there’s still a whole lot of kissing going on. :)
July 22nd, 2009 @ 9:56 pm
Hi Daphne,
I was laughing when I saw the last form of greetings. Thanks for sharing Daphne. :)
Cheers,
Vincent
July 22nd, 2009 @ 9:57 pm
Glad to hear from you again, Daphne! The THAI WA is a really neat way of greeting another person, it shows attention, respect and warmth at the same time :-) I’m currently here at Sydney, and yours is the first blog I checked, I’ve not been surfing much the past days, just exploring this city.
July 22nd, 2009 @ 10:38 pm
Welcome back Daphne! I can’t imagine business meetings in the US with anything but a handshake.
I also think if we give it up we’ll be all tech and no touch. I do what ever is most comfortable for me. Welcome back again!
July 22nd, 2009 @ 10:44 pm
Great post to start my day! Thanks!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 3:16 am
Most Americans are germophobic and dislike handshakes anyway. A bow sounds nice. :)
July 23rd, 2009 @ 5:24 am
Welcome back Daphne, I missed your posts. Hope your move went well and you’re all unpacked and feng shui-ed in your new home ;-)
I had to laugh at your bum-sniffing suggestion. Definitely an interesting idea…
July 23rd, 2009 @ 1:35 pm
[...] Continued here: Greetings! But Let’s Not Shake Hands… [...]
July 23rd, 2009 @ 7:24 pm
Hilarious! Thanks for the great laugh. :)
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:10 pm
Davina,
Thanks for thinking about me and for your lovely opening comment. I can’t believe you prefer the handshake over the doggy way! :)
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:13 pm
Hilary,
I’ve been skimming through my reader and am amazed at the consistent regularity and quality of your posts. I want to be like you!
Thanks for your well wishes, I’m much more settled down now. And yes, what works in the UK does not necessarily work here and vice versa. You know what they say though – a smile is a universal greeting!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:14 pm
JD,
Yep, dogs sure have a way of breaking a lot of things! ;)
No kick boxing for me, unfortunately. That’s an idea to bear in mind for later though. My adventures are limited to running out of money one night and not having enough foreign currency for transport home… tame, I know.
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:17 pm
Hey Kim,
Yeah it’s good to be back. I would have thought you knew a lot more about kissing than I do… those men do tend to confuse us eh? ;) Glad to know I’m not the only one following another’s lead though. Hmm, if all of us are following, who’s leading?
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:19 pm
Chania Girl,
I could kiss you for such a lovely, friendly comment! Yes my impression of Greece is that there’s a lot more kissing going on there than most parts of the world. I can understand you find it less warm and intimate everywhere else.
Glad to have contributed a chuckle to your morning!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:20 pm
Vincent,
Glad to have added some humour to your day. Thanks for your comment!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:22 pm
Jocelyn,
Your support means an awful lot to me. Thank you for checking my blog even on holiday. I like Sydney very much, and you make me wish I was there right now! Guess the greetings you’re getting there are very different from the Thai Wai… and you’re right – the Wai is such a warm, respectful, graceful greeting – fully agreed on that!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:25 pm
Tess,
The handshake in business is de rigeur here too. If Donald Trump can’t change that, I doubt anyone else can…
I love touch too, and agree that all tech and no touch would be a terrible world. Still, I don’t mind not touching people I hardly know, like business contacts. Family and friends are different. I’m sure that if I met you, I’d give you a high-touch hug!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:25 pm
Thanks for your comment, Middle Way.
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:26 pm
Vered,
I like the word ‘germophobic’. And yes, the bow not only sounds nice, it looks nice.
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:28 pm
Hilda,
Thanks for your sweet comment. I’m much more settled now, and and tickled that you like the bum-sniffing idea. Those canines really know how to get close up fast!
July 23rd, 2009 @ 9:30 pm
Glad you liked it, Christine.
July 23rd, 2009 @ 11:08 pm
You changed your job?
July 24th, 2009 @ 1:50 am
It’s great to see you here again Daphne! I’ve missed your smiling face…
Greetings to you, my friend.
What a fun post!
July 24th, 2009 @ 11:26 am
Hi Daphne,
You’re back with some interesting and funny stuff. Thanks for making me smile this morning. :)
July 24th, 2009 @ 2:28 pm
Hi Daphne
Welcome back!
The last one with the doggies CRACK ME UP :-))
The Thai Ronald McDonald is very interesting, I never seen one like that before…but than again I have never been to Thailand.
I hope you had a great time in Thailand, are you going to share your trip with us in your blog?
Thanks,
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
July 24th, 2009 @ 7:55 pm
Oh my gosh, I’m so not doing the dog thing! (Made me laugh – thanks!)
Ever since attending a meditation retreat two years ago, I’ve taken more and more to using the Thai Wai — it feels right somehow. A great combination of friendly, spiritual and respectful!
July 25th, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
Hi Mr Kewl,
Changed home, but same job!
July 25th, 2009 @ 4:52 pm
Lance,
It’s great to see you too! Good to be back in good company like yours!
July 25th, 2009 @ 4:54 pm
Arswino,
Thanks for the warm comment, and I’m grateful for encouraging pals like you.
July 25th, 2009 @ 4:55 pm
Hi Giovanna,
Thanks for the warm welcome… it’s great to be back! Glad you liked the doggies :) Thailand is a lovely place, and if you get the chance do go! Hmm… for some reason I never thought of writing about my travels, since they’re mostly for work and I don’t take photos. Maybe next time I will. Thanks for the suggestion!
July 25th, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
Hey Megan,
Gotta give it to the dogs… they sure know how to get to the bottom of things fast! :)
Your description of the Wai as ‘spiritual’ strikes me as very true, though I didn’t think of that word myself. Yes it’s very friendly and respectful, and maybe the spiritual bit is what I feel as ‘gracious’. There’s certainly a peaceful yet important feel to it. Did you learn to use the Wai at your retreat?
July 25th, 2009 @ 10:05 pm
Yes, that’s the first place I ever saw it, to be honest. It was a silent retreat, and that’s how we “talked” to each other.
Then when I came home, I noticed a friend of mine doing it and any time we shared an insight with each other, he’d bow to me.
From there it became part of who I am!
Thanks for taking time to reply — it made me smile.
July 25th, 2009 @ 10:13 pm
Thank YOU, Megan, for replying to my reply. It’s cool that you went for a silent retreat. I did one ages ago and it’s one of the best things I ever did. Maybe it’s time for one more… cool that the spiritual gesture has become part of you. It’s fast becoming part of me too!
July 26th, 2009 @ 11:03 am
Daphne, The surprise “ending” was fantastic. Thanks!
July 26th, 2009 @ 8:07 pm
Hi Daphne,
I would prefer the Thai or Japanese greeting over a handshake, but admittedly I think it’s because so many people I come into contact with don’t really know how to shake hands! My uncle pulled us (my cousins and I) aside when we were young and drilled it into us – Firm grip necessary. So many people don’t have that.
As for the dogs, that picture was great for a laugh this morning. Welcome back and hope you’re settled in to your new place!
July 26th, 2009 @ 9:29 pm
Hey Stephen,
Those dogs are really cool, huh? ;)
July 26th, 2009 @ 9:31 pm
Stacey,
The handshake is an under-rated art. Too hard or too limp, too short or too long… I try to match the other person’s grip most of the time, unless it’s really limp in which case I can’t because both our hands would flop to our sides :) You’re right, it should be taught properly. There seems a lot more uniformity in the Wai and the bow, though that may be only because my eye is untrained in those forms.
July 27th, 2009 @ 2:25 am
Oh Daphne!
You are laughter for the soul! I prefer the last one, of course (NOT!) but my puppy Freddy does, paws down!
Perhaps if we could all use our eyes to speak, our souls would be touched more than any handshake or bow could ever do!
Glad to have you back because I missed you so!
****Still laughing and puppy thinks I am insane!****
July 29th, 2009 @ 1:48 am
When you think of it, a handshake is a pretty funny thing to do.
Welocme back!
And my dog even sniffs the cat’s behind. What’s up with that? So strange.
July 30th, 2009 @ 9:58 pm
@ Henie,
I’m sure Freddy would greet you that way if you let him! They are so affectionate, those dogs – sometimes in the wrong way and in the wrong places! Your point is so true – touching with the hands become unnecessary when we can touch at a different, deeper level. Like with you, I’ve never shaken your hand but feel that our souls have hugged!
@ Jannie,
You made me try to see a handshake as an alien might do – I guess it does look pretty weird. Trust you to see that! Oh those dogs – they’ll sniff anything, and lick and eat it too if you let them!
August 2nd, 2009 @ 1:12 am
I love kissing on the lips or cheeks with lovers, family or platonic friends. I don’t initiate, but I wont hold back if offered. Hand shakes outside of a business situation or being introduced for the first time is a bit cold to me. Hugs are a good middle ground
Welcome back!
August 2nd, 2009 @ 8:07 am
Carla,
Hugging is my favourite too! I agree that shaking hands outside a business context can seem too formal, while not everyone is into kissing. Thanks for this comment. Hugs to you!