8 Lessons from the Lindy Hop
Just days after I highlighted 7 posts on life lessons from dancing by other bloggers, my girlfriend dragged me off to a real-life Lindy Hop dance lesson.
Was this the law of attraction at work, or just one of life’s happy coincidences? Whatever it is, I learnt first-hand that dancing has much to teach about living.
1. Recognise patterns
The Lindy Hop looked terribly complicated until patterns started emerging. In case you’re interested, here’s a 46 second video on what the Lindy Hop looks like. See if you can recognise any patterns. I couldn’t at first!
Life contains patterns too. Tom at Simple and Spiritual just wrote about 3-month cycles in his life. My life tends to follow much longer 7-year cycles. Recognising patterns in relationships also helped me understand commitment phobia better.
What are the patterns you’ve noticed in your life?
2. Focus on the basics
Complicated as the dance looks, our job is to focus on the “step, step, triple step” basic move. The rest are variations.
My life has certain rhythms that keep me sane and happy. Waking up at dawn, having a quiet coffee before the day starts… the rest of the day can happen any old how, as long as my morning basics have been observed.
What are your daily basics that allow everything else to vary with some continuity?
3. Keep your form
As in ballroom dancing, there is a posture to maintain throughout. I tried to imagine I was a stiff plastic doll with my arms extended just so.
Consistent people are reliable and therefore trustworthy. We get nervous around people whose behaviour and reactions are unpredictable. This is an area I could really work on – keeping my composure no matter what happens.
Is your composure something that others can rely on to be consistent?
4. Know when to turn
When the guy holds out his right arm, he wants you to turn. I kept turning too late until the helpful instructor offered to hold my chest instead of my back the next time I didn’t turn on time.
Sometimes we need to know when to backtrack. Out of stubbornness, slowness of reaction, or simply not noticing that something is in the way, we often walk straight into obstacles in life that could easily have been avoided.
Do you turn your back on unhelpful people or circumstances too late?
5. Multiple points of contact
Once you’ve turned, your left arm makes contact at three points: hand to his shoulder, forearm on his (hopefully bulging) biceps, and upper arm on his forearm. This triple contact secures both of you for all sorts of twists and turns.
Someone once said: never move house and change jobs at the same time. The point was to maintain as much stability as possible, with only one major change at a time. As far as possible, this makes sense in keeping our sanity in life.
How many parts of your life are stable now? How many are in flux?
6. Keep the engine purring
The instructor told the ladies we were Ferrari engines – purring silently (doing the basic step) in the background and ready to move into action at the slightest lead from the guy.
I often let myself slack. Sometimes I get lazy on exercise and become unfit. Sometimes I degenerate mentally from lack of stimulus. Sometimes I lose my calm due to lack of spiritual grounding. What a good reminder to keep myself in tune, so that when life beckons in any way, I am ready.
How ready are you to jump up and go if opportunity knocks on your door?
7. Trust and follow
This was hard for all the ladies in the room. We had to stop trying to execute the perfect step, stop reminding the guy what to do, and just follow his lead. We had to accept not knowing the plan and trust enough to let ourselves be led.
We often think we know what’s best for us. We forget that there is a deeper knowing that will lead us if only we will stop resisting that silent voice. Wisdom is about patience, being willing to wait until we feel a tug at our heart. And trusting enough to follow that gentle pull without knowing exactly where we are going.
When is the last time you heard that still, small voice guiding you?
8. Have fun!
It was easy to get stressed about whether we were doing everything right… When I decided to relax and not worry about being wrong, I started to have fun and enjoy myself. After all, it’s more fun watching a bunch of people getting it all wrong and having the time of their lives, than watching solemn robots bent on executing the steps to precision.
Sometimes we take this personal development stuff too seriously. I mean, imagine squeezing 8 entire life lessons from a simple beginners Lindy Hop lesson! :) A helter skelter life enjoyed will be worth more to us on our deathbeds than a life lived ‘correctly’ in every way.
Go sign up for something fun today! I highly recommend a jazz dancing lesson :)
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44 Responses to “8 Lessons from the Lindy Hop”
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Comments by Readers
- B @ logos coaching: What a great list. I am especially drawn to number 2 as I am incorporating more silence and quiet time into my life at present....
- Kit: I’ve found that real change and lasting weight loss happens slowly, and is VERY frugal. 25lbs over the last 6 mos may be slow, but...
- Beaulotus: Hi Daphne, it’s precisely that – that they didn’t have anything better to do with their time and lives. Those few mums...
- Beaulotus: Daphne, it was interesting reading this wonderful post. As you may know, I socialise alot in our expat community and we have mothers...
- Paul Maurice Martin: “Declining to play” has been an important one for me – I think of it as letting go of the egoism of others....
- Self Improvement Minded: “Keep the company of the wise” that’s how we always said 4 when I was young.
- Lana-{Daring Clarity}: Those were great points Daphne, thank you. And I so loved how you started that the reason you “keep blogging is that...
- nudgeme: Great pointers on maintaining personal integrity Daphne, and always lovely to log on and see a post from you! Identifying your...
- Self-esteem Building: I agree that our thinking gives positive or negative meaning to a certain event, person etc. Nature is neutral. It’s...
- Hilary: Hi Daphne .. good points .. adopt a hero – yourself – ensure you smile, be kind, be open, be friendly .. Draw the boundaries is...
- J.D. Meier: Beautiful distillations … heroes, boundaries, and buddies are the way to go. It takes less energy to be yourself than be somebody...
- Lance: Hi Daphne, Number 4 is an important one for me. It’s so easy for other people’s attitudes to filter over into our own –...
- Mazhar Nawaz: Dear Daphne enjoyed reading every word. I appreciate your honest views on Live Like You’ll Die Tomorrow.
- Walter: Yes, I believe with what you have written here. In fact, I’m applying most of them into my life. There are lot of ways to be happy,...
- Lindsey Petersen: I am a die hard optimist who leads a happy life even when I should be sad…an anomaly, I guess! Lindsey Petersen...
- Hilda: Hi Daphne, I’ve read ALOT on the subject of happiness over the years, and have transformed myself from a miserable pessimist to a...
- macy_c: I used to trust my instinct a bit more, but overtime, self doubt and life in general erode the trust. I just wrote an account of when I...
- Evelyn Lim: I have found more meaning in my life when I started contributing my assistance and service to others. In the process, I become happier...
- James Gray: When you say that good and bad aren’t “out there,” it isn’t clear what that means. I don’t know if anyone...
- nudgeme: Hi Daphne Lovely to see a post on Joyful days in my Google Reader this morning – and such an uplifting one at that! I concur with...
May 4th, 2009 @ 11:37 am
1. I’ve never thought about patterns in my life or cycles. I’m only aware of personal patterns I want to change.
2. My basics are reading, journaling, praying, eating healthy and exercising.
3. They are now. I don’t know why it took me so long. My sons-in-law would always challenge me. Now with acceptance and knowing we’re all right where we’re suppose to be I finally have composure and no judgement. Yeah!
4.I’ve been avoiding obstacles for a while. Don’t like them, don’t need them. Doing well in this area.
5.I did move and gave up my career with the move. However with my husband I always know we can get through anything together. Without him I would really be challenged. Partly because we’ve been together since I was 17.
6.I was born ready. I’m spontaneous and flexible.
7. I have only been good at this for the last 5 years. My gut or inner guidance has never been wrong. Never! So it’s rare that I don’t listen.
Of course because I wrote that I’ll be challenged tomorrow.
8. I think I need to go sign up for dancing or art classes. That’s what my soul needs at this time.
What a great analogy Daphne. You’re the best!
8.
May 4th, 2009 @ 11:48 am
“Trust and follow” is nearly impossible for me. But I can see the value.
May 4th, 2009 @ 1:12 pm
I have never tried Lindy Hop before. It sure sounds like a great deal of fun! It’s great that there can also be learning lessons from dance classes!
For a period, I took up jazz dance but gave up after realizing that I could not co-ordinate my movements. Still, I must say that I always have a sparkle in my eyes after a class.
May 4th, 2009 @ 5:04 pm
Daphne,
I think that anyone who can do that can achieve just about anything they want in their lives.
I like the point that you make about focusing on the basics. Dances like that involve a range of complicated steps and it would be virtually impossible for anyone to expect to learn the entire routine all at once.
First, you must learn one basic step, then add to that another basic step, and each time keep adding one more basic step.
There is no point in trying to run until you have learned to crawl.
May 4th, 2009 @ 5:29 pm
Those are very good lessons that you learned by learning to dance. Thank you for sharing them with us. It was enjoyable to read.
Dan and Deanna “Marketing Unscrambled”
May 4th, 2009 @ 5:56 pm
Wow Tess, YOU are the best for answering all 8 questions! I think you answered them better than I would myself too. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself, and showing us by your example what a life well-lived can be like.
I really admire your confidence and how far you’ve come in life. I also love your sense of humour. Yes, it’s exactly when we make a pronouncement like “my gut has never been wrong” that life comes along and decides to throw a spanner in the works to test us! Hope your challenge didn’t materialise though.
Taking art classes is a good idea. I’m not very good at art, and enjoy dancing a lot more, and sports and any kind of movement in general. Hope you enjoy whatever you sign up for!
May 4th, 2009 @ 5:57 pm
It’s hard, isn’t it? I find this very difficult too, and because of that it’s probably what I need most to do!
May 4th, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
Hi Evelyn, I think it becomes fun once I get better at it, and can relax and enjoy the process. Just like any other skill in life, I suppose. Yes it’s great that there can be lessons in more than one way!
I can imagine you having a sparkle in your eyes, and am sure that you have that often, not just after dancing. It’s your love for and enjoyment of life that brings on the sparkle. Thanks for shining some of that sparkle here today!
May 4th, 2009 @ 6:01 pm
Hi Andrew,
I was told that the Lindy Hop is actually a difficult dance, and you’ve just confirmed it. Thank goodness I didn’t know this before I signed up! I think even the instructors were surprised that complete beginners like us wanted to learn it.
You’re right that we just have to stick with the basics and learn to crawl before running. In terms of the Lindy Hop, I guess I’m doing a very slow crawl right now!
May 4th, 2009 @ 6:01 pm
Thanks, Dan and Deanna. You should try dancing sometime. It’s a great couple activity / hobby / past-time!
May 4th, 2009 @ 9:19 pm
Daphne,
What a great set of lessons!
I particularly liked #7:
“We often think we know what’s best for us. We forget that there is a deeper knowing that will lead us if only we will stop resisting that silent voice”
How true! We always want to be in control, but the control is really an illusion. None of us really know what is going to happen next.
May 4th, 2009 @ 10:41 pm
LOVE this post! I love when people are able to take an experience and create a list of lessons they learned from it. I really think you do a great job of this in your post and I especially like #8 – Have Fun! :) This is great advice, and I really enjoyed reading about your experience.
May 5th, 2009 @ 2:16 am
I really like how you connected lesson in dancing to lessons in life.
I particularly like the “multiple points of contact” … it’s a reminder of focus and having a firm foundation.
May 5th, 2009 @ 5:35 am
This was LOA Daphne. :-) Good post. It wonderful how you see the lessons of life everywhere and then share them with us. Great.
May 5th, 2009 @ 9:13 am
I always look for lessons in my activities…it does say a lot. My husband and I have been taking dance lessons for several months. Every Friday we go to a local community center for ballroom dance – salsa, cha cha, fox trot, swing. It is our favorite hour all week and so so so much fun! But at the same time I tend to lead…oops, I have always had trouble with trust and follow… I’m trying. dance helps.
May 5th, 2009 @ 10:24 am
hi Roger,
Lesson #7 is one that I need to remember too. I feel so out of control when I’m out of control! :) Yet you’re right that it’s an illusion anyway, and realising this can help us relax.
May 5th, 2009 @ 10:25 am
Hey PP,
Your presence here brightens up my day. You truly ARE positively present! Thanks for injecting so much good cheer and positiveness into this post and other posts via your comments. Having fun is certainly something we can all do more of!
May 5th, 2009 @ 10:26 am
Hi JD, a firm foundation is a good phrase for what I was trying to say. It’s so true that we can deal with so much in our lives once that foundation is strong.
May 5th, 2009 @ 10:29 am
Sunny, sometimes I think I overdo the lessons of life thing, yet I can’t help it! By the way, what is LOA? I’ve only ever seen it to mean “Letter of Authority” and I don’t think that’s what you meant!
May 5th, 2009 @ 10:30 am
Stacey, it’s so cool when a couple takes dance lessons together. It’s a great way to bond and understand each other better. I think dancing is a little like golf – it can reveal a person’s character when they’re not looking! Trust and follow is my bugbear too…
May 5th, 2009 @ 4:27 pm
I’ve watched the film “Take The Lead” starring Antonio Banderas as a dance professor who teaches a band of delinquent teenagers. There is really so much that dance can teach us, including TRUST. In the movie, Pierre (Antonio) says that in a ballroom dance, the woman follows the lead of the man, but that doesn’t mean that the woman is lesser than the man. It only means that the woman makes a choice, and that choice is to trust the one who takes the lead. Choosing to trust isn’t a lot easier than taking the lead. Good post!
May 5th, 2009 @ 10:51 pm
Jocelyn, TRUST is the hardest thing to learn sometimes, and especially for me. So learning dancing is a good way to learn that on a small scale, then apply it to life at large. Yes the man leads, but the ladies get to choose who they want to dance with, so you’re right, we have the ultimate decision!
May 5th, 2009 @ 11:34 pm
Daphne!
I am continually enlightened when I come to visit! I know I’ve been away for a while but you never cease to spark my mental and spiritual aspects!
I am amazed at the depth of your knowledge and sensibilities…how at the “step” of the Lindy Hop, you would come up with such profound teachings! You have a gift of knowledge and sunshine in your soul and I am blessed and grateful to be a part of your life!:~)
You formulate brilliant analogies and everytime I finish visiting here, I always feel like I could conquer the world with you beside me!
Thank you! Thank you!
I should know better than to stay away for too long! :~)
My dance was ballet until I got too “old and stiff” from years of wear on it. My next pursuit in dance is the Tango! I am completely mesmerized by it…I love how it evokes, provokes and invokes my being! And this sums up the pattern in my life and it’s all good! :~)
Now am off to do the Tango…hope I don’t trip! :~)
May 5th, 2009 @ 11:47 pm
Henie!
Your comment will make me go to sleep a happy girl. Thanks for your faith in me and so many kind words. Yeah, let’s conquer the world together, step by clumsy step! I’m still clumsy anyway, at the Lindy Hop and probably in life too… just fumbling my way through.
The tango is such a sensuous dance… I think people who do it look so sophisticated. Your ballet grounding should enable you to pick up any dance very quickly. And tripping can be carefully planned… into the arms of a partner you happen to like! ;)
Thanks so much for this comment. I’m not half as good as you imagine me to be, but I’ll accept the compliment and let it be my soft, cushy pillow tonight. I’m glad to see you back and active again, Henie. I’ve missed you!
May 6th, 2009 @ 12:22 am
Can’t argue with that. Patterns are most certainly everywhere. Once you start recognising them many are quite beautiful.
May 6th, 2009 @ 10:04 am
Paisley, thanks for this post acknowledging patterns and showing that there is beauty in that recognition.
May 6th, 2009 @ 2:51 pm
Hi Daphne .. really good ideas .. and I loved the video on the lindy-hop .. I thought Tess’ points are really good ..
I hadn’t thought about the patterns of life .. I know we’re meant to move house every 7 years, and there are cycles of 7 years .. that seem to be prevalent or ‘accepted’ ..
Your readers have such good comments too .. really pertinent .. I just need to bide my time quietly at the moment doing what I need to do – that’s more important for me = to help my Ma .. my time will come and I love learning from you and other excellent bloggers: thanks so much.
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters
May 6th, 2009 @ 3:38 pm
Hi Daphne. I love to dance. And, I love how you used this analogy to point out life patterns. One thing’s for sure, if you’re not “present” while you’re dancing, you will probably end up stepping on your partner’s toes… and tripping over your own feet too.
May 6th, 2009 @ 7:34 pm
Hey Hilary,
Tess’ comment was great, wasn’t it? I’m not sure if we’re expected to change drastically every 7 years, just that personally I do go through a relatively major change around that interval.
Yes, I have wonderful readers whose comments are sometimes more worth reading that the posts! You are one of those wonderful people, and I am full of admiration for what you’re doing for your Ma. That’s most important now, as you say, and many people are rooting for both of you!
May 6th, 2009 @ 7:35 pm
Hi Davina,
Good point about being ‘present’ while dancing. Sometimes I lost my concentration and forget the footwork and then I mess everything up. Thanks for this useful reminder!
May 6th, 2009 @ 8:23 pm
I never thought about regular life cycles. I’ll have to be more aware of this concept as it relates to my life. I know that it seems like I have a period of time before I get burned out, but I never thought of it being a set amount of time.
I know I sometimes take stuff too seriously. It definitely seems like I tend to perform well once relax and get into the flow.
Thanks for the post!
-Dustin
May 6th, 2009 @ 8:44 pm
LOA – Law of Attraction :-)
May 6th, 2009 @ 8:52 pm
I guess not everyone’s lives moves in cycles. I just happen to notice some patterns in mine. Relaxing is really key to both enjoying what we do and being good at it, after some practice of course! Good to see you around again, Dustin.
May 6th, 2009 @ 8:52 pm
Ah, silly me, what was I thinking! Just too caught up in my official work stuff… :)
May 7th, 2009 @ 5:08 am
It’s been a while since I did the Lindy Hop. Also did west coast swing and salsa. Lindy is great for just having fun, especially with Aerials! Though I also love salsa for the passion.
The thing about dance is it teaches us to trust our body. There’s so much wisdom we reject when we aren’t one with our bodies.
May 7th, 2009 @ 6:01 am
Hi Daphne,
I love that you jumped at the opportunity to dance…and it looks like you took away more than a dancing lessone.
:-)
Have a great evening.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than no Action
May 7th, 2009 @ 8:09 am
Hi Daphne – “A helter skelter life enjoyed will be worth more to us on our deathbeds than a life lived ‘correctly’ in every way.” I loved this line! Trying to be too perfect simply distracts us from living. Plus, when we start to have fun we actually find ourselves doing things correctly. Interesting paradox :)
May 7th, 2009 @ 8:50 am
I never really sat down and made this connection before. Dancing makes me feel alive because it puts me in pure Being mode. And that is a state that I want to be in as often as possible.
May 7th, 2009 @ 10:44 am
It’s amazing how we can break down almost any action and create a life lesson out of it. I’ve been thinking about writing a post about mowing my lawn. I’ll see if I can make it as interesting as your Lindy Hop post.
The last lesson is my favorite. When we can make any action fun then it doesn’t feel like effort it feels flowing and easy.
May 7th, 2009 @ 5:51 pm
Matthew, you’re certainly a more accomplished dancer than I am. I’ve just started learning and never ever did any dance seriously, apart from one or two lessons on basic ballroom. The swing and salsa sound like fun, though I’ve no idea what Aerials is!
I like your point about dance teaching us to trust our body. I’m supposed to follow my elbow during a turn, and it’s hard to actually focus on the elbow and just follow instead of trying to predict which way the turn will go! Great point here.
May 7th, 2009 @ 5:52 pm
Hi Gio, I’m glad I agreed to go too! Though I must confess I tried to back out a few times on the day itself. Thankfully my friend would have none of it! Yes I took away a lot, and decided to write down the lessons before I forget them as usual!
May 7th, 2009 @ 5:54 pm
Hi Amanda, thanks for liking the line. I kind of like it too! You hit the nail on the hard about doing things more correctly when we’re relaxed and having fun anyway. Life is full of paradoxes like this!
May 7th, 2009 @ 5:57 pm
I like this way of thinking about it. As a beginner I tend to see the dancing as something to DO, and this is a good reminder that I just have to practise and get comfortable enough to BE. Lovely thought Stacey!
May 7th, 2009 @ 6:01 pm
Karl, isn’t it truly amazing? Nothing is safe from us personal development bloggers! I think we could even take lessons from nothing happening eg “Nothing happened today, I just sat there and you know what? I realise there is so much we can hear in the silence… blah blah”. Mowing the lawn is a big deal in comparison to nothing happening! ;)