Book Review: Not of My Making

One of my favourite aspects of blogging is to be asked to do book reviews. I agreed to this one, and ended up reading a book that I would never otherwise pull off the shelf.

The book is called Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct in Churches by Margaret W Jones, PhD.

As the title suggests, the book was written as a personal critique of the behaviour of people in churches. Not being used to this genre, I had to remind myself throughout the book not to judge either the author or those she writes about.

The making of a memoir

The book starts with the author’s childhood, citing incidences of peer bullying…

“Your clothes are ugly”

… and parental neglect.

“Having to fend for myself, I picked through what was left of my siblings’ breakfast.”

In college, she started burning her arm after being rejected by a boy she liked. This began what seems like a lifetime of psychiatric treatment. Even as an adult, she continued to cut her arms when she felt stressed by others’ treatment.

It is against this backdrop that the alleged emotional abuse in churches occurs. The accused church is Unitarian Universalism.

She singles out pastors who let her down…

She said “You are making too many demands on my time.”

… and churchgoers who were not absolutely loyal to her , saying things like:

“That article with your note offended me. I’m an adult, and don’t need to be told how to think and feel”.

The 408-page book more or less proceeds in this vein, providing intimate details of what was said by whom. I tend to agree with a sentiment repeated by both her pastors…

“You have significant problems getting along with other people. You fail to take responsibility for your end.” (said one pastor)

“You’re unaware of your behaviour and its effects on others” she (another pastor) admonished me.

… and psychiatrists:

“During my weekly therapy sessions, Dr Emmett wondered if my perceptions created a self-fulfilling prophecy. I disgreed with him.”

To be fair to the author, she came across as fair in her portrayal of both herself and those she accuses. Her verbatim account of what people said gives the reader a chance to make up his own mind about whether there was truly emotional abuse, or whether this is just a highly sensitive soul being bruised by the words and actions of the average person.

“What if this has more to do with me than with my attackers? What if I’m laughed at, told I’m making it up, told it isn’t that bad? Maybe I really am too sensitive.”

If I had not agreed to post a review of this book today, I probably would not have read it through to the end. Yet I’m glad I did, because the ending provides a glimmer of hope that in the telling, the author was healed somewhat.

“The unbearable pain gave birth to an overwhelming need to be heard… The telling has given me some distance and clarity… By breaking the silence, I am triumphant.”

Who should read this book

This is certainly not a book for everyone. As with all memoirs, you should read it only if you’re interested in the author as a person, or if you have an interest in the topics addressed. Consider reading this if:

• You feel that you too have been abused by clergy and churchgoers in your church, and want to know that you are not alone.
• You belong to the Unitarian Universalist church and are interested in one person’s experience with this organisation.
• You are a student of psychology and want to know what goes through the mind of a person who feels victimised.
• You suffer from depression and could learn something about yourself from the case study of another person.

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• Read A Book A Week
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