Personal Integrity (Staying Sane in the Midst of Chaos)
One of the reasons I keep blogging is that somewhere someone sometimes breathes just a little bit easier because of what I write. This post is in response to a reader’s email on how to maintain personal integrity in a challenging workplace.
Office politics, power play, personality conflicts, conflicting instructions… the best of us get plagued by these at some point in our lives. The fortunate ones escape such situations eventually, but for some the option to leave is not viable. How then do we go through each day maintaining personal integrity and sanity in the midst of chaos? Here are some suggestions.
photo credit: quinn.anya
1. Adopt a Hero
I remember seeing car bumper stickers with the words “What Would Jesus Do?” written on them. This was the question some Christians asked themselves when faced with tough choices in today’s world. Imagining what your personal hero would do in your circumstances gives you an example of personal integrity that you can imitate.
2. Draw a boundary
Identifying your non-negotiable values is another way to maintain personal integrity. For example, tell yourself that you could put up with all sorts of unreasonable instructions except those demanding that you snitch on a colleague, lie to a customer, or disobey your supervisor. Then, simplify your life by going along with whatever is needed as long as these core values are not challenged.
3. Decline to play
Sometimes other people try to draw us into their battles, urging us to take sides in one way or another. Refuse to be drawn in. Instead of allowing two managers to use you as a pawn in their power struggle, you can try telling them politely that “I can see you disagree with XYZ, and that is a matter you have to take up with him.” You may have to do this a few times until people realise that you’re too smart to get trapped in the middle of a losing game.
4. Hang around wiser buddies
One of the mistakes I made early in my working life was to hang around negative people. Naturally their constant whining affected my own attitude. In hindsight I should have spent more time with colleagues who were able to rise above the nonsense and stay focused on what was important to the job and to themselves. Wise people find a way to keep their personal integrity in the midst of chaos, and just being around them helps us learn to do the same.
5. Decide your limit
Much as we would like to make every situation work, sometimes you need to know when to call it quits. Decide in advance the point at which you would find it completely unacceptable to stay on, and walk away if and when that point is reached (for example, when harsh criticism of your work quality crosses over to personal insults against you). Leaving calmly when your limit is reached, rather than reacting in blind anger, allows you to maintain personal integrity and dignity right to the end.
Be nobody but yourself
This post may have made it sound easy to maintain personal integrity, and yet we all know it is not easy at all. True personal integrity is hard-won, and yet that is what makes it so worthwhile. Here’s one of my favourite quotes to cheer you on your uphill path…
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
- e e cummings
So all I can say to my dear reader is: Keep climbing, keep going!
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14 Responses to “Personal Integrity (Staying Sane in the Midst of Chaos)”
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March 5th, 2010 @ 6:48 pm
Hi Daphne,
Number 4 is an important one for me. It’s so easy for other people’s attitudes to filter over into our own – even when we try not to let that happen. So, when I am around positive people, I find that I feel more positive myself. And that is a great place for me to be!
(and I love the e.e. cummings quote)
March 6th, 2010 @ 12:44 am
Beautiful distillations … heroes, boundaries, and buddies are the way to go.
It takes less energy to be yourself than be somebody you’re not, so it’s way more sustainable and fulfilling over the long run … and energy is our juice to go the distance.
March 6th, 2010 @ 2:32 am
Hi Daphne .. good points .. adopt a hero – yourself – ensure you smile, be kind, be open, be friendly ..
Draw the boundaries is a good one .. sometimes it’s so necessary to say “no” ..
Decline to play – could apply to families too ..
Tie up with wise, kind people and leaders, who are true ..
Limits – don’t go over the edge, or get stressed, or ‘ill’ with anxiety, ..
Learn to breathe and live life as it’s meant to be lived .. in peace with yourself and the world ..
Good to be back here .. Hilary
March 9th, 2010 @ 12:17 am
Great pointers on maintaining personal integrity Daphne, and always lovely to log on and see a post from you! Identifying your non-negotiable values is so right, especially if these are based on things that are really important to you. One can easily get pulled off course, and this is a good way to stay on track – makes it much easier to say yes and no to things and keep your focus on what really matters.
Thanks Daphne and hope all is good in your world!
ATB
Tamsin@nudgeme
March 9th, 2010 @ 6:50 am
Those were great points Daphne, thank you. And I so loved how you started that the reason you “keep blogging is that somewhere someone sometimes breathes just a little bit easier because of what I write.” Beautiful and very inspiring!
March 10th, 2010 @ 11:03 am
“Keep the company of the wise” that’s how we always said 4 when I was young.
March 10th, 2010 @ 11:42 am
“Declining to play” has been an important one for me – I think of it as letting go of the egoism of others. When you’ve been working to get beyond your own egoism, there’s no point in buying into anybody else’s!
March 11th, 2010 @ 4:03 pm
@ Lance,
Trust you to be the first to leave a comment! You’re such a lovely friend, full of integrity! I fully agree that hanging out with people is one of the easiest ways to absorb their attitudes and life views, which is why it’s so important to choose our friends carefully. That’s why so many people hang around your blog, I’m sure… you’re a wonderful filter for so many!
@ JD,
Great point about taking less energy to be ourselves in the long run… and that brings not only energy but also peace and power. I’m always grateful for your comment as I value your insights.
@ Hilary,
You’re right that all these points can definitely apply to family and even friends too. ‘Learn to breathe’ sounds so basic and yet so important – living life one breath at a time is so under-rated.
March 11th, 2010 @ 4:09 pm
@ Tamsin / Nudgeme,
You make my day as usual with your cheery, supportive comments. Over the last few years I realise how important values are, and how much they can simplify living and loving. All is truly good in my world, and I hope in yours too Tamsin!
@ Lana,
Thanks for your comments. I love your blog name – Daring Clarity. It’s true that it takes courage to see things clearly, since we may not always like what we see and it’s easier to filter things to look better. Glad you were inspired to keep writing your blog too!
@ Self Improvement Minded,
“Keep the company of the wise” is a great phrase. Thanks for sharing it.
@ Paul,
You said it so well. Once we see through the ego, whether our own or that of others, then it’s hard to keep engaging it because we see so clearly the futility of it all. Thanks for commenting here – you know how much every letter you type means to me.
March 29th, 2010 @ 11:43 am
I’ve just been reading the 4 Agreements about being impeccable with your word. It seems so obvious but it’s so important. I like your point of hanging around wiser buddies! I’m always trying to do that. So I’m glad I found your blog!
April 6th, 2010 @ 3:11 pm
Hey Betsy,
You said it. Being impeccable with your word is so under-valued today yet so important. Reminds me of the English phrase “A gentleman’s word is his bond.” I absolutely agree with this!
April 6th, 2010 @ 4:40 pm
Hi Daphne, wow , all so relevant to the situation at my workplace at the moment. “Drawing Boundaries” and “Declining to Play” are my favourites….as for “Adopting a Hero” there is no suitable one in my workplace….I will get one from elsewhere…. thanks for the post. Retaining my dignity ….”being myself” is so important in this day of the modern corporate world where people tend to be reduced to mere digits….
April 6th, 2010 @ 4:51 pm
Hi Victor,
Sounds like you have a challenging workplace, which sadly seems to be the norm these days. Glad you find that drawing boundaries and declining to play are possibilities for you. Yes, heroes are few and far between, and so valuable when we do find them! I hope things get better for you, and please do continue to be yourself – that’s a role in the world that only you can play and don’t let anyone take that from you!
April 17th, 2010 @ 12:12 pm
It reminded me a Korean song, “I want no body, but you!”
Now, I want be no body, but me.
Great one, thanks!