Summary Of Your Life

I never used to cry at funerals until my father passed away. Today I attended a funeral of somebody I never met in my life, and even then I shed tears. When you’ve lost someone you love, you grieve for everyone else that has lost a loved one. You also feel very mortal because you know it’s a matter of time before each of us lies in a coffin.

There are some people who cannot tolerate talk of death, and if you’re one of them you may not want to continue reading this post. I’ve always found that thinking about dying helps me think with stunning clarity about living. That’s what I’m going to do now.

1. Some Name

Who are you? This is one of the hardest questions to answer, and one that every person asks at some point in their lives. Maybe some ask it only on their deathbeds, I’m not sure. I have asked myself this many times, and assume that I am typical of most people.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, at some point when all our physiological, safety, love, and esteem needs have been met, we strive for self-actualisation. We see this reality often when very wealthy people decide to give away their enormous wealth after their success leaves them nothing left to achieve except a sense a significance. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are good examples.

Okay, so you and I are not Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. Still, each of us has an individual character and personality that no one else on earth has, and can contribute to the world in a way that nobody else can. Did we use that potential? Has the world become a better place because we lived? Essentially, did our lives matter, or will we be just some name on some tombstone?

To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. (Year of Birth) – (Year of Death)

I once heard someone say “Your life is in the dash.” That strange statement is actually quite profound. You see, that dash between your year of birth and year of death is very, very short. Just like life. It may not seem that way when you’re struggling just to get through the day, but it is. One of my favourite blogs, The Happiness Project, has a one-minute video with this line:

The days are long, but the years are short.

- Gretchen Rubin

You don’t have very much time to do all the things you want to do in your lifetime. Very few of us will have the good fortune of dying when we are good and ready to go, sitting in a comfortable chair reflecting on a life well-lived. So maybe we’d better get to it.

Take time this week to write down your very own Bucket List, all the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. Some people I know keep a dream book, which is more or less the same thing, except that the dream book may have pictures to help you visualise the places you want to see, the things you want to own, the people you want to meet.

Next, focus on what you really want, and pick three focuses that you can work on this year. Keep looking at these three items until they’re done. It helps to write them on cue cards and place these somewhere you will look at every day, like the fridge door, car dashboard, or dresser mirror. Your subconscious mind will see these items and go to work on your behalf.

3. Your Message

One of the exercises I came across in discovering your life purpose was to draft your own eulogy. This apparently helps you decide what your legacy is going to be. I tried this and found it a little unsettling because the wise, compassionate person I wanted to honour in that eulogy and the person I was at that time were not the same. At least it helped point me in the direction I needed to grow.

Even more challenging than the eulogy exercise is what you would like to see on your tombstone. This description of your life is probably going to be just a few words in length. How is it possible to summarise what a person’s life was about in that space?

“Loving husband, devoted father”?
“Brought joy to all she met”?
“Inspired others to live better”?

If you think seriously about what your life is all about, you will have a personal creed that can guide you through all the big and small decisions in life. And if you live this creed well, then others will know exactly what to print on your tombstone when the time comes.

Here’s to your life!



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Posted by Daphne | October 1, 2008 | in Think Deeply


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2 Responses to “Summary Of Your Life”

  1. Catalyst
    October 2nd, 2008 @ 9:31 am

    I too find it liberating to be conscious of the fact that death awaits all of us. Not because I want to die :) It reminds me not to take anything too seriously, and to make the most of the present moment. Sometimes we get so focused on this little mundane things that happen to us in our daily lives, but lose sight of the big picture.

    Thank you for posting this!

  2. Daphne Lim
    October 2nd, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

    Glad the post helped, Catalyst. Yes, it’s amazing how life looks so different from the perspective of ‘now’ and from the perspective we’ll have when we’re at the end of it. Agree that we should make the most of the present moment. Thank you for taking some of those precious moments of your life to comment here. You certainly spread love and cheer around! Bless you.

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