Book Review: The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

This week’s book is The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche.

1. What I like about the book

At almost 400 pages this was quite a tome, but certainly worth the read. Death is rarely discussed with as much clarity, detail, and acceptance as it is here. Many people’s lives have been touched by death, and this book helps us to come to terms with the emotional abyss, spiritual questioning, and physical aspects of dying. I wish I had read this book before my father passed away. It would have helped me deal with his dying a lot better.

The author is a Buddhist master and there are many references to technical Buddhist terms and beliefs. It is a good beginner’s introduction to Tibetan Buddhism for those who are interested in understanding other religions. Even if you ignore all the religious detail, you can still learn a lot about love, living and dying.

The first part of the book is more philosophical, addressing the nature of mind and how to meditate in order to escape our ego and connect with the one-ness which is the essence of all things. The process of dying is then explained, together with very practical and wise instructions on how to help the dying and those whom they leave behind. This is the closest I have found to a textbook with explanations and actionable steps on what to do when someone you love is dying.

Other topics discussed in the book include what karma really means, the logic and method of reincarnation, whether euthanasia is a compassionate option, the need for spiritual guidance in all our lives, the heritage and struggles of Tibet, and the similarities between the major religions of Buddhism, Christianity and Hinduism

I was very touched by the author’s deep and obvious love for his home country Tibet, and the various spiritual masters in his life who played a role in his formation. If each one of us had as strong a love for our country and our mentors, this world would be an immensely better place.

2. Who should read this book and why

Those whose loved ones are dying

Part Two of the book explains the process of dying in great detail. Though it may be painful to read, it removes some of the mystery surrounding death that makes it so frightening for people to watch their loved ones die. The author explains what can be done for a dying person to make the process as easy and spiritually healing as humanly possible.

Friends of the bereaved

With great understanding and compassion, the book gives instructions on how to help those who have just lost a loved one. It explains the anguish they go through, the help they need, and how those around them can provide support.

Healthcare professionals

Clinical death is all too familiar to doctors and nurses, but dealing with the spiritual aspects of death is something the healthcare profession is not yet comfortable with. These are the very people who can play a crucial role in guiding both the dying and their families through the difficult, painful process of watching a life slip away.

Politicians and government officials

With euthanasia being a touchy topic in so many countries, there is an urgent need to study alternatives to the current options. Besides legalising active euthanasia or prolonging meaningless suffering, there is the whole area of palliative care that seems to be left out of the debate. With proper understanding of the process of dying and compassionate legislation, perhaps a middle path can be found and sensitively navigated. The middle path could include training and funding for professional hospice care that is lacking in many countries.

All of us who will have to die one day

Death is part of life, and until we have learnt the meaning of dying well, we will not know how to live well. Some people may find reading and talking about death morbid, yet each of us will have to face it at some point. In my view, it is much better to go on a journey having some sort of road map than none at all.

3. Quotes from the book

My favourite quote

“Perhaps the deepest reason why we are afraid of death is because we do not know who we are. we believe in a personal, unique, and separate identity; but if we dare to examine it, we find that this identity depends entirely on an endless collection of things to prop it up: our name, our biography, our partners, family, home, job, friends, credit cards… It is on their fragile and transient support that we rely for our security. So when they are all taken away, will we have any idea of who we really are?” (page 16)

Other quotes

“Karma is often totally misunderstood in the West as fate or predestination; it is best thought of as the infallible law of cause and effect that governs the universe. The word karma literally means ‘action,’ and karma is both the power latent within actions, and the results our actions bring… (page 96) Karma then, is not fatalistic or predetermined. Karma means our ability to create and to change. It is creative because we can determine how and why we act. We can change.” (page 99)

“We often wonder: ‘How will I be when I die?’ The answer to that is that whatever state of mind we are in now, whatever kind of person we are now: that’s what we will be like at the moment of death, if we do not change. This is why it is so absolutely important to use this lifetime to purify our mindstream, and so our basic being and character, while we can.” (page 115-6)

“I want every human being not to be afraid of death, or of life; I want every human being to die at peace, and surrounded by the wisest, clearest, and most tender care, and to find the ultimate happiness that can only come from an understanding of the nature of mind and of reality. Thomas Merton wrote: ‘What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery, and without it, all the rest are not only useless, but disastrous.’” (page 360)

4. Other reviews of the book

A doctor and a psychologist provide a joint review on Insights into Living and Dying aimed at healthcare professionals. They suggest how doctors and nurses can better help patients and their families cope with the reality of dying.

Charles T Tart was a student of Sogyal Rinpoche and writes a detailed and personal review from the perspective of someone who is both a scientist and a disciple.

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8 Responses to “Book Review: The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying”

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• Comments by Readers

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• Hilary: Hi Daphne .. good points .. adopt a hero – yourself – ensure you smile, be kind, be open, be friendly .. Draw the boundaries is...
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• vered - blogger for hire: “Which is partly why I’m blogging less now – I have a happy life to keep me occupied!” This is great. You...