Weathering Life’s Storms

When you go through a tough time, it is easy to lose equilibrium and succumb to the forces buffeting you. Loss of a job, death of a loved one, decimation of your life savings, betrayal of a close friend… these things happen to the best of people.

Though you have little control over external circumstances, you can prepare yourself to weather the storms when they arrive. Every life goes through hard times now and then, so it is wise to assume that at some point yours will be thrown into turmoil, and mentally prepare yourself now.

Into each life some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

1. Accept the circumstances

It is natural when things go wrong to wallow in self-pity and wish that things were different. You may question the fairness of life, and experience strong feelings of anger and resentment.

While it is not wrong to feel this way, the gap between the way you want things to be and the way they really are creates an enormous tension within yourself. Not only do you have to struggle with the real situation, you are also fighting another self-created storm inside.

The faster you can accept that things are this way and they are not going to change no matter how hard you wish, you can start to deal with the real situation.

2. Anchor yourself

You want all the stability you can get when everything around you is heaving. For some people, the anchor will be religion. Going to church or praying frequently can be an important stabilising act.

Having a routine is another stabilising factor. This could take the form of daily exercise, journalling every night, visiting the hospital at a certain time, or making a phone call to a friend at night to give an update.

This is not a good time to make other changes in your life, though you may be tempted to as a means of escaping the current situation. Don’t change jobs, move house, start drinking, get married, get divorced, or have another child. Do yourself a favour and deal with just one thing at a time.

3. Move forward gently

When a boat is in choppy waters, it does not head straight into the waves. Instead, it angles itself at roughly 45 degrees to the oncoming waves. This prevents the boat from crashing headfirst into every wave, but eases it as gently as possible into the swell. Sometimes it will also throw unnecessary weight overboard.

In the same way, you should be gentle with yourself as you manoeuvre through your own storm. Shield yourself as much as you can. Avoid negative, pessimistic or critical people. Decline new projects at work if you have a choice. Relinquish some of your responsibilities at home, work or other areas of your life if possible.

Don’t expect too much of yourself at this time in your life, or feel guilty for looking after your own interest. Your goal right now is simply to make it through the storm intact.

4. Ask for help

A good boat crew understands that it’s “all hands on deck” when a storm comes. Your true friends will know this too, and probably offer to help. Accept their offer. If they don’t offer, it could be because they are afraid to come across as pitying or patronising. Ask for their help, and both parties will be relieved.

Try to be specific about what help you need. In your friends’ eagerness to be useful, they may do all kinds of things for the sake of just doing something. You can direct their energies in a way that is helpful to you, and makes them feel genuinely useful.

Besides friends, you could approach professionals who may be able to help. Depending on your situation, you may need the help of a medical specialist, lawyer, counsellor or spiritual guide. Ask around for recommendations. Some professionals and organisations offer their services free or for a low fee if the case is deserving.

5. Stay on course

When things get rough, you may be tempted to give up because it just doesn’t seem worth it. Sometimes it feels easier to stop trying, to withdraw from the game, to stay out of life’s fray. Yet if you give in, you will miss out on much of life’s adventure. You were born to live, and this is part of living.

The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.

- Vincent van Gogh

Just keep going. Sunny skies will come again, and you will appreciate the good times all the more because of what you’ve just weathered. And when the next storm comes, you’ll be better skilled and able to help not just yourself but others as well.

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Posted by Daphne | October 24, 2008 | in Think Deeply


3 Responses to “Weathering Life’s Storms”

  1. Jeremy Day
    October 25th, 2008 @ 6:47 am

    Hi Daphne,

    Great blog you got here. I am glad you found me so I could find you! ;-) This is a great post on weathering life’s storms. I like the last point especially. No matter how bad the storm we emerge on the other side to see the sun peek through the clouds again. Ill be visiting again here soon!

    Cheers,
    Jeremy

    Jeremy Days last blog post..Best of Steve Pavlinas How To

  2. Daphne Lim
    October 25th, 2008 @ 4:57 pm

    Hey Jeremy,

    Thanks for visiting. I found your blog through a comment you left on Vincent’s blog, and enjoyed reading your last few posts. Keep the insights coming!

    Daphne

  3. Vincent
    October 26th, 2008 @ 10:44 am

    Hi Daphne,

    In point number one, you mentioned one should accept the circumstances he faced in life. I totally agree with it and so many times people dwell in despair and ask why is life unfair and such, but no one told us life is fair, we just need to accept the cards that are deal out to us. By accepting the cards, then we can make conscious decision to do what is the best for us.

    Cheers
    Vincent
    Personal Development Blogger

    Vincents last blog post..Is Your Attitude Bringing You Towards Success?

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